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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207551">My Best Girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesOfJustice/pseuds/GlassesOfJustice'>GlassesOfJustice</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DachOsmin/pseuds/Leonor'>Leonor (DachOsmin)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Desk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremis Pepper Potts, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Missing Scene, Open Relationships, Polyamory, Post-Endgame, Shower Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Fisting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:14:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesOfJustice/pseuds/GlassesOfJustice, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DachOsmin/pseuds/Leonor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers brought them together in one way or another.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill/Pepper Potts, Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Marvel Femslash Big Bang 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fic by: GlassesOfJustice<br/>Art by: Leonor (DachOsmin)</p><p>This fic is set from IM2-post Endgame and is Endgame canon compliant. This is a fic that leans heavily into grief/mourning over the snap of Maria and EG deaths of Nat and Tony. </p><p>Canon Divergence tag is mostly there because on screen we never explicitly hear that Pepper/Tony have an open relationship. Poly Avengers forever!</p><p>h/t to my wife for the title!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of Pepper's heels crunching against glass made her skin crawl like the shrill sound of chalk scraped against a chalkboard. She didn't see Tony when she came in and her relief was instantly followed by shame. She had efficiently packed a couple of suitcases and was rolling them toward the door when Tony’s voice made her jump.</p><p>"Donut?"</p><p>Pepper turned to face him. "Tony, just don’t."</p><p>Before she could make the door Tony was on her heels. “Pep, come on. I know things got a little out of hand—"</p><p>Pepper whirled on him, and she was close enough to see remnants of powdered sugar in his mustache.</p><p>"Out of hand? Things got out of hand, you say?! Tony, you're really scaring me. You are completely out of control. And I—I yelled at Natalie, and that wasn’t right."</p><p>"Pep, I—"</p><p>Tony reached for her arm and she flinched away.</p><p>"Don’t 'Pep' me, Tony. Happy had to pull me out of here before you shot the second level balcony down onto my head. Look at this place!” Pepper gestured to what was left of the entryway, incidentally rolling her suitcase against the glass on the floor, the crunch driving home her point. “I refuse to live like this. I don’t know if this is a super hero’s midlife crisis, but clearly you need to reassess your priorities. It’s one thing to donate our art collection, it’s quite another when I feel unsafe, Tony.”</p><p>"I…" Any defense Tony was going to make died on his lips.</p><p>"Right. That's what I thought. I'm going to The Beverly, and Tony, I swear to god. Do not follow me there."</p><p>"Pep, come on. A hotel? Look, Dum-E will have this cleaned up in no time and then…"</p><p>Pepper gave Tony a stern 'just-stop-talking' look. He didn't get it, how destructive he had become, how hard it was to also live with Iron Man. She turned toward the door, glass continuing to scratch and shatter under her feet. Maybe leaving would get through to him.</p><p>She attempted to slam the door behind her but the huge glass doors were still intact and swung closed softly., It wasn't nearly as satisfying.</p><p>Before she reached her car she had dialed Happy.</p><p>"Pepper, hi."</p><p>"Happy, I need you to meet me at The Beverly and then take me to the office, okay? And can you ask Natalie to meet me there in two hours?"</p><p>"On it boss. Can I get you an iced green tea?"</p><p>"That would be lovely. Thanks, Happy," she said before punching her bluetooth headset to end the call.</p><p>She slid into the driver's seat and couldn't help looking back at the house, her home, through the rearview mirror. She sighed. She knew being romantically involved with Tony would have it's complications, not least of which because he was her boss, but this. She wasn't sure she could take it. Well, she could certainly take it, but did she want to? That was the question weighing her down and she pulled out onto Hwy 1. Even the ocean view couldn't bring her calm today.</p>
<hr/><p>Coulson slid into the booth across from Natasha and put his oversized sunglasses on the table. It was silly, but she enjoyed his <em>Men In Black</em> look and over-serious personality. </p><p>Between bites she said, “I miscalculated the collateral damage of Tony going off the deep end.” The pancakes at this place were about the only thing edible; she shoved another triple stacked bite into her mouth before venturing a look at Coulson.</p><p>“Fury trusted you with this.”</p><p>"I know. I’m sorry." A pained look crossed her face. Apologies were not her forte, and really, Tony Stark was a mess long before she was sent in as 'Natalie from legal'. “Look, let me—"</p><p>“We’re already working on it.” </p><p>The waitress knew to leave them alone, in fact, they picked this place because the service was pretty terrible. She came by to see if Coulson wanted coffee, but he waved her off before she opened her mouth.</p><p>Natasha should have been hurt that Coulson was already onto Plan B, but she didn’t have time to dwell on her mistakes. “What’s the plan then? Because Pepper’s really pissed off, and Tony’s going to run himself into the ground before the metal in his chest can do it for him.”</p><p>Natasha sipped her coffee (black); it was decent for a crappy diner and better than the burnt Folgers they had at SHIELD. Natasha couldn’t figure out if it was the old coffee machine, the tap water, or just plain terrible coffee grounds, but it was her last resort. </p><p>"You have to fix things with Pepper."</p><p>"I what?"</p><p>"We need Pepper on our side. I've got Rhodey on Stark, but Pepper needs to be on board."</p><p>"And I'm just supposed to what? Tell her it was my fault her boyfriend finally self-destructed? She sees me as a threat, has since the day I started."</p><p>"Your mess Romanoff, I don't care how you fix it, just get it done."</p><p>Coulson put his shades back on and slid out of the booth. He adjusted his tie and then walked out without another word. Natasha aggressively shoved another fork full of pancakes into her mouth before leaning back against the booth.</p><p>
  <em>Great. Just great.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Natasha hesitated outside of Pepper's office. The door was open so she sacked up and went inside. Pepper, leaned against her desk, pen in hand as she looked over paperwork, looked up when she heard Natasha come in.</p><p>"There's a transposition in the figures for Research and Development," she murmured, marking it before flipping the page.</p><p>"I'm not your assistant anymore, Pepper."</p><p>"Oh, that's right. You're some kind of secret agent," she said, snapping the binder she was holding closed. When Pepper met Natasha's eyes, she pursed her lips, making Natasha feel unwelcome. "So, why would you care about budgetary mistakes you made that could cost this company millions down the line?"</p><p>"I came to apologize?"</p><p>"For lying to me?"</p><p>"No, for Tony. I was supposed to be—"</p><p>"Right, Tony. I was just the collateral damage of your mission, is that it?"</p><p>"Pepper, it's not like that."</p><p>"Isn't it, Natalie? Or should I call you Natasha now?"</p><p>Natasha didn't react. She expected this...was prepared for Pepper's anger, but that only served to make Pepper more mad. </p><p>"We let you into our lives. I let you in! And what, you think you can just show up here and reel off some rehearsed apology and I'll forget any of this ever happened? What am I supposed to do, get another assistant and hope they aren't another S.H.I.E.L.D. spy? Am I supposed to just trust someone else with this company, with my life?"</p><p>"I don't know, Pepper."</p><p>"Right. You don't usually stick around for the aftermath do you?"</p><p>"Honestly? No. But, I don't usually care about my marks either."</p><p>"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"</p><p>Natasha closed the distance, Pepper's desk the only thing between them. "It's not supposed to make you feel anything. It's just the truth."</p><p>"I don't know how I'm supposed to believe you, Natasha. I want to, I do. But I think it's best if you leave." Pepper turned her back to Natasha. The view from Pepper's office was still spectacular, almost as good as Pepper looked in her tailored suit.</p><p>Natasha lowered her voice an octave, "If that's what you want, I'll go." She hated that Pepper wasn't looking at her, that she couldn't try to convince her she was telling the truth. "I really am sorry, Pepper. Hopefully one day you'll be able to forgive me."</p><p>"I hope so too," Pepper said, just above a whisper. </p><p>Natasha couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard Pepper's voice crack, thought she saw her ribs twitching, trying to hold in silent tears. Natasha fled Pepper's office. She didn't want to upset Pepper, but she also knew she was the last person that could provide her the comfort she needed.</p>
<hr/><p>Months had passed and Natasha thought on and off about what she could do to make it up to Pepper. No, not make it up to her but prove to her that it wasn't all a job. She couldn't be sure if there was something more there, but Natasha could still remember how Pepper's anger felt directed at her--and Natasha took that as a sign that Pepper felt it too. Felt the heat rising in the room when they were together, the easy way they found to talk about nothing and everything, the comfort in having a female friend you could trust. Natasha was hoping she would be able to tell Pepper first that she was working with Coulson and enroll her in their plan, but where Tony Stark was concerned, things rarely went to plan.</p><p>When Fury told Tony he wasn't going to be an Avenger, it ostensibly put a quash on Natasha's opportunities to test the waters with Pepper. Coulson was off in New Mexico dealing with a mysterious object, and Maria had sent Clint after him. Nat was at loose ends between the last thing and the next thing. She was getting antsy--too much time to think and not enough action. Action was what she needed...something physical to take her mind off of Pepper. But since her mind was on Pepper anyway, Nat decided to take the action to her.</p><p>Natasha waited in the parking garage, just on the other side of Pepper's Audi. When Pepper came down and opened the driver's side door, she simultaneously climbed into the passenger seat.</p><p>"Pepper."</p><p>"Christ, Nataha!!" Pepper slammed back into her seat and put one hand on her chest and the other gripped the parking brake. Natasha watched as Pepper's knuckles turned white. "What the fuck?! You nearly gave me a heart attack."</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"That's all you seem to say when you come around."</p><p>"Ouch."</p><p>"What do you want, Natasha?"</p><p>"I just want to talk to you."</p><p>"You couldn't have called my office? I'm sure someone of your talents remembers the number."</p><p>"Would you have answered?"</p><p>Pepper took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. Natasha watched Pepper's chest fill with air again, watched her eyes flutter closed. Watched her stomach soften as she pushed the air from her diaphragm.</p><p>"Is this your idea of meditation?"</p><p>"You scared me half to death; you are not allowed to make fun of me."</p><p>"Pepper," Natasha placed her hand over Pepper's, slowly losening her fingers from the emergency break and holding Pepper's hand between her own, "I'm sorry. For all of it. But I can't change the past. I can't join you on an early morning jog and tell you how I came to SI to look after Tony, but then started caring for you. He was really sick, and I had a job to do."</p><p>Pepper was quiet for a while, kept her eyes closed, but she didn't pull her hand away, so Natasha was hopeful. "Am I supposed to believe you because it's been months?"</p><p>"Pepper, look at me, please."</p><p>Pepper opened her eyes and turned in her seat to face Natasha. Natasha studied her. She looked tired. Maybe only someone with Natasha's skill set could tell that her bangs were a quarter inch too long, that by 9:30 PM her concealer had faded enough for Natasha to see the slight puffiness under her eyes.</p><p>"I haven't had the luxury of many female friendships, Pepper, and I suspect you haven't either. Couldn't you feel it? We were building something, a foundation—"</p><p>"I trusted you!" </p><p>Natasha absorbed the hurt in Pepper's voice, a mix of anger and sadness.</p><p>"I know." Natasha's tone was measured and she held Pepper's gaze. "I want to earn your trust back, I need to. Pepper, please. Don't cut me out of your life, not over this, over something that was out of my hands."</p><p>"I don't know how to do this. You're right, I haven't had many friends. I don't know if I can let you in again, Natasha."</p><p>Pepper turned back in her seat, looked at her watch. It was the same square silver one Natasha had never seen her without. </p><p>"I always meant to ask you, where did you get that watch?"</p><p>"I bought it for myself. I wanted to buy one after I graduated, for my first real job. But, I guess my practical side got the better of me. So I waited, saved. After I had been working for six months, I bought it."</p><p>"You've had it for a long time then?"</p><p>"I suppose I could have gotten something fancier by now, but...I like it. It reminds me of where I came from. That I can always rely on myself."</p><p>Natasha reached over and turned Pepper's wrist toward herself, "It suits you."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"That wasn't so hard, was it?"</p><p>"Natasha, talking about my watch is not exactly the relationship repair we need."</p><p>"Isn't it though? It's a start. It's more than you've said to me in longer than I want to think about."</p><p>"So what, 20 questions and we'll be best friends?"</p><p>"What if I want to be more than friends?"</p><p>"Natasha."</p><p>"I'm serious, Pepper. Tell me you don't feel it."</p><p>"I…"</p><p>Pepper closed her eyes again, and resumed her deep breathing regimen.</p><p>"I did feel something. I'm just not sure if I can open myself up again. Tony and I are in a good place. I'm just not sure I am willing to put myself out there. I mean, you're a spy, Natasha. I run a multi billion dollar company. How is this a good idea?"</p><p>"Speaking of Tony, you two have an open relationship, or some kind of agreement right? I just assumed, but—"</p><p>"Natasha," Pepper said, sternly. "If you're half as good at your job as I think you are, you already know that. Please, no more half truths. If I am even going to entertain this idea of something with you, you have to be totally honest, or at least honest about when you can't say more."</p><p>"I can do that."</p><p>"Fine. I'll have my assistant schedule lunch next week, in my office." Natasha opened her mouth to protest, but Pepper put her hand up. "You bring the food, we are going to play 20 questions for as many dates as that takes us, and after that, I will decide whether I want to move forward. Deal?"</p><p>"Kiss on it?"</p><p>"Natasha!"</p><p>"Okay, okay. Deal."</p><p>"Now get out of my car. I'm going home to drink some wine and get some sleep."</p><p>Natasha slipped out without another word.</p>
<hr/><p>Pepper double checked the address she had scribbled on a Post-It note before pushing through the wood door. She walked into the hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Nolita, her own frustration at getting turned around on the way there dissolving into the wonderful smell of garlic that instantly overtook her. Natasha had picked an italian restaurant for their third date and if the steady stream of black and white photos lining the walls were any indication, one that had been passed down in a single family for decades. </p><p>The 8:30 meeting time had piqued Pepper's curiosity, but as she made her way toward Natasha's table she realized the restaurant was nearly empty and the bus boy was clearing the two tables at the front. It made her wonder if Natasha was trying to protect her privacy. The tabloids had settled down since Tony had made her CEO last year and they'd become bicoastal, but there were always opinion pieces about how she was ruining the company. New Yorkers hardly paid anyone any attention unless you were in their way.</p><p>"This is a charming spot," Pepper remarked as she slid into the booth next to Nat.</p><p>"They have the best baked ziti in the city and probably the second best lasagne."</p><p>"Is that so?"</p><p>"Yes, and it has the benefit of not being in Little Italy. That tourist trap is unbearable; so many amature pick pockets, I can't stand to walk anywhere near Canal street."</p><p>"I see," Pepper said, placing the black linen napkin in her lap.<br/>
"So are you suggesting we split the ziti?"</p><p>Natasha didn't give it a second thought before saying, "If you want ziti, you should order your own."</p><p>"How's the carbonara?"</p><p>"I've never had a bad meal here."</p><p>"Have you ever not ordered the ziti?" Pepper prodded.</p><p>Natasha smiled over her water glass. "A few times."</p><p>Her unwillingness to elaborate was oddly charming. Pepper took a moment to really look at Natasha, to notice she had put on a glossy lipgloss. The skin tight black jeans and simple black t-shirt were definitely working for her. Pepper shrugged out of her jacket and folded it into a neat pile next to her.</p><p>Their server arrived and Pepper ordered them a nice Pinot Noir without looking at the menu. Natasha ordered the ziti and Pepper followed suit, also ordering a salad and a half order of garlic bread.</p><p>"So, how was your day, Miss Potts?"</p><p>Pepper nudged her heels off under the table, stretching her toes out. "One conference call too many, and I'm very much looking forward to that wine. And yours?"</p><p>Natasha was silent for a minute, Pepper wondered if she was trying to decide how much to tell her. Finally she said, "It was fine. The usual stuff...better now."</p><p>Pepper appreciated how Natasha flirted, either very direct, or masked with humor. Both came from a place of insecurity, but she noticed how Natasha had let her guard down just the tiniest bit with her  and it made her want to try that much harder. Pepper found Natasha's hand and squeezed it.</p><p>Before she could think about the wine again the server opened a bottle table side and offered a small pour to Pepper for her approval. After settling their two glasses and the antipasto, they disappeared out of sight. The place was charming and cozy and everyone was familiar with the silent cues needed to make their dinner run smoothly. </p><p>Alone again, Pepper decided to jump right into it. "Are we on question 12?"</p><p>"That's correct."</p><p>Pepper settled her whole attention on Natasha. The suggestion of playing twenty questions seemed sort of silly at first, but she was really enjoying the range of conversation and the easy starting point.</p><p>"Pressures on, I don't want to waste any of them."</p><p>Natasha smiled at her and took a sip of her wine. Pepper noted the way she savored the sip, swished the liquid around her mouth.</p><p>"How many different countries have you been to?"</p><p>"136," Natasha said, nonchalantly.</p><p>"Oh, is that all?" </p><p>"Well I haven't been to most of the countries in Africa, oh, and I've never been to Antarctica, though that's not a country."</p><p>"I see. I don't actually keep count. But, with global business being what it is, I've definitely worn out a passport or two."</p><p>Their server returned with two piping hot dishes of baked ziti and Pepper's mouth started to water. She had a wrap at noon, but it had been too long and it took everything she had not to dive face first into her dish. Natasha seemed to be equally famished, and was already blowing on her first steaming forkful. </p><p>Pepper took her first bite, possible burn be damned, it smelled too good. After two mouthfuls, she finally looked over to Natasha and praised her choice.</p><p>"Why haven't you been picking our dining locations this entire time? This is absolutely the best ziti I've ever had. Their sauce is so flavorful without being salty. It's..."</p><p>"It's the garlic."</p><p>"It's the garlic! Seriously though, this is a great place Natasha, I'm making you pick from now on."</p><p>Natasha's eyes lit up. "What if I'm a one trick pony?"</p><p>"Somehow I doubt that."</p><p>They returned to their food, and ate in comfortable silence; both stealing glances at the other.</p><p>Natasha wiped her mouth on her napkin and looked at Pepper, "So, tell me, what are your favorite and least favorite ice cream flavors?"</p><p>"Huh, Do you really want to use a question on ice cream?"</p><p>Natasha made a tsk tsk sound and then said, "Dessert is a very serious topic."</p><p>"As you wish, first, I don't like Strawberry, it's the only thing I'm allergic to."</p><p>"Noted."</p><p>"For my favorite I guess I have to say coffee. Better if it's espresso gelato with dark chocolate chunks, but that's not universally available."</p><p>"Mmmmmnnmmm. That sounds great. Not too sweet and just a touch of bitter."</p><p>"Yes, exactly."</p><p>Pepper leaned toward Natasha, reveling in the shared understanding. </p><p>"Okay, my turn again. What is something you are always up for?"</p><p>"Easy. Staying up all night."</p><p>Pepper watched Natasha, confident posture, head tilted slightly in her direction. The little quirk of a smile playing at her lips. She was definitely falling for her, and that scared the shit out of her.</p><p>Natasha broke into her thoughts. "What?"</p><p>Pepper grabbed her hand. "Nothing, I was just watching you. Up all night doing what?"</p><p>Natasha's face turned wicked. "Maybe you'll find out one of these days."</p><p>"Is that an invitation or a challenge?"</p><p>"What do you want it to be?"</p><p>Pepper kissed her hand, then continued planting small kisses over each of Natasha's knuckles.</p><p>"My turn."</p><p>Pepper didn't let go of her hand.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"Are you actually interested in me, or is this just a phase?"</p><p>Pepper dropped her hand and picked up her napkin off her lap.</p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"You and women, is this a curiosity? A way to piss off Tony?"</p><p>Pepper threw her napkin on the table and took a sip of wine before turning on Natasha.</p><p>"I don't know what you think is going on here, but this isn't cute. We were having a perfectly good evening, and this is what? A party trick? No. I am here willingly, giving you a second chance. I am not playing these bullshit games, Natasha."</p><p>"Pepper, I'm sorry...I wasn't thinking..."</p><p>Pepper's heart was racing; she was starting to sweat. She could feel herself losing control and she wasn't about to let Natasha do that to her, again. The night had taken a bad turn, but that didn't mean she should waste wine. She gulped the rest of the glass and set it back on the table with a thud. She grabbed her jacket and slid out of the booth. </p><p>Before stalking out she turned back. "Natasha, you ask me to trust you, to not ask you about your work, about your past. And you can't trust me that I'm actually interested in you, that I'm here, participating in whatever this is, whatever we are. I make a lot of concessions in my life for complicated people, but this? This is just pathetic."</p><p>"Please, Pepper, don't go. I messed up."</p><p>Pepper threw up her hands, jacket flopping around.</p><p>"Why should I stay?"</p><p>"Because my feelings for you scare me, and I'm not sure how to respond other than by running or pushing you away."</p><p>Natasha crawled out of the booth and wrapped her hands around Pepper's waist. "I'm sorry, Pepper. Truly."</p><p>Pepper wanted to pout, wanted to tell Natasha to fuck off. But she also couldn't help how incredibly adorable she was when she was telling the truth.</p><p>"Kiss me. Like you mean it."</p><p>Natasha complied, pulling her close, running her hands over her back, tangling her fingers in her hair. When they both needed air, Natasha whispered in her ear, "Come back to my place."</p><p>"Okay," Pepper whispered back, desperately hoping she wasn't making a mistake.</p><p>Natasha put two large bills on the table and pulled Pepper by the hand onto the street. The crisp night air felt great against Pepper's flushed skin. Pepper put her arm around Natasha's shoulders and held her close as they walked down the street toward the subway. She wasn't sure where Natasha was taking them, whether she lived there or not. But she was looking forward to staying up all night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyone was beat up after New York, herself included, but Maria was soldiering on and trying her best to put S.H.I.E.L.D. back together. They were building a new base of operations in Washington D.C. and luckily, she didn't have to oversee the construction. Though, team morale was the more difficult task. They had lost so many S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel that she spent half her weeks reviewing resumes and watching footage of hiring interviews. The Avengers had to be her priority, but she knew replacing their support staff was just as important. </p><p>Nat had returned yesterday from a month of helping Laura nurse Clint back to a new normal, and Maria knew she would be itching for some stress relief. She had invited Nat to a sparring session via text message and when she showed up at the gym Maria could hear Nat doing some steady work on the speed bag.</p><p>"Hey, Nat," Maria called, knowing better than to sneak up on her.</p><p>Nat kept her reps up on the bag for another thirty seconds before letting it drop. When she turned to face her, Maria threw her a towel.</p><p>"Looking good."</p><p>"Don't bullshit me, Hill. I'm rusty."</p><p>"Get in the ring and I'll knock a little more off," Maria said, completely deadpan.</p><p>"You might regret that, but glove up, lets go."</p><p>Maria felt Nat's eyes on her, sizing her up. She was both proud of and regretting the extra back and shoulder work she had done in the weight room yesterday. Her traps were swollen and she knew she looked great in her black tank top, but she also knew her fast twitch muscles were shot. Even rusty, Nat was formidable in the ring.</p><p>"Alright, Romanoff, let's get to it."</p><p>They climbed into the ring and traded some light combinations, both ducking and blocking with ease.</p><p>Maria rolled out of the way of one of Nat's kicks and lay flat on her back on the mat. When Nat came to help her up,  Maria pulled her down instead, rolling them and putting Nat into a headlock. </p><p>Nat tapped out and when she regained her breath said, "You can’t cheat--you’re a good guy.”</p><p>Maria smiled at her. "So are you, now."</p><p>They clambered to their feet and squared off again, hitting their gloves together to signal the start of another round. Maria bounced on her toes, easily moving around the ring. </p><p>"Have you seen Pepper lately?" Maria gently prodded.</p><p>"No, why?" Natasha delivered a jab combination which Maria mostly blocked but she felt solid contact against her shoulder on Nat's punch. She was just a second too late. </p><p>"Tony hasn't been around, isn't taking S.H.I.E.L.D. calls." Maria tried a sweeping leg kick which Nat easily jumped over. Nat dropped her hands, pausing their session. Maria grabbed a towel off the top rope and wiped the sweat off her neck and face.</p><p>Nat squirted some water into her mouth before locking eyes with Maria. "I've already done my tour of Tony babysitting. I won't use Pepper to get to him again."</p><p>Maria put her hands up. "I wasn't asking you to. I just thought maybe you knew something I didn't, you know, off the record."</p><p>Nat looked down at her gloves, "We haven't talked much. After New York, she's had Tony to deal with, I took off to help Clint as much as possible. I don't know, Maria, you know this life. One superhero seems like enough to deal with, I figured she didn't need two people to look after."</p><p>"Maybe so."</p><p>Nat's head whipped up. Guess that hit a nerve.</p><p>"What's that supposed to mean?" Nat squeezed more water into her mouth and then spit it over the side of the ring.</p><p>"It means, Maybe you're right and she has her hands full, <em>or</em>, you're wrong and she could use someone who gets what she's going through to lean on."</p><p>"What are you my therapist now?" Nat deflected.</p><p>Maria obliged, unwilling to press Nat about what she did or didn't do in her off time.</p><p>"Alright, Romanoff, a couple more rounds?"</p><p>Nat hit her gloves together and moved in toward the center of the ring, Maria followed suit. Despite Nat's rusty claims, when she landed a punch Maria could tell she had at least been using Clint's heavy bag out at the farm.</p><p>Maria loved this, being able to really go at it. They were long past training, and they had paired off in the ring enough to be able to anticipate some of each other's moves but were still occasionally caught off guard. It was a wonderfully physical dance. Her shoulders burned, tired from yesterday and the effort she was asking of them. Maria was too caught up in the joy of their fight, taking her mind off the task at hand for just a minute and Natasha landed an uppercut and her nose started gushing blood.</p><p>"Fuck!" Maria cursed, squeezing the bridge of her nose. Before she could act, Nat had grabbed the towel off the rope and had it under her nose, attempting to stem the tide. Noses always gushed a lot.</p><p>"Fuck, Maria, are you okay?"</p><p>Maria flexed her nose and grunted in pain. Her reply was muffled through the towel shoved against her face, "I'm fine. I don't think it's broken. I'm going to hit the shower."</p><p>"I'll clean this up and come check on you. Tilt your head back."</p><p>Maria groaned, "Not my first bloody nose."</p><p>This gym was an off book private facility where Maria had booked out for three hours. Maria laid on a bench for a while, hoping to stop the bleeding. When she felt like she could sit up without it starting up again, she did. She didn't bother to try and save her tank top, dumping it in the trash along with the blood soaked towel. She was glad she always had at least one extra pair of clothes in her gym bag. She let her locker hang open, folding her shorts neatly and setting them in the bottom. She took a good look at her face. Swollen but she was pretty sure not broken. She might have a black eye tomorrow, but she could deal with that then.</p><p>The water was hot and she let the hard pressure pound against her neck and shoulders. The showers were immaculate and smelled nice, a drastic change from the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. Her blood had long washed down the drain and she was getting ready to turn off the water when Nat appeared. Nat turned on the nozzle next to her and let the high pressure water wash over her face. This allowed Maria to appraise her unnoticed. For someone in Nat's line of work, it was amazing she only had that one bullet wound scar on her stomach. It didn't heal very cleanly, but considering she patched it up herself in the field, it always seemed to Maria that Nat wore it with pride. Maria appreciated Nat's body, sculpted for functionality, which conventionally-attractive aesthetics happened to follow.</p><p>Nat emerged from the water stream, pushing her wet hair out of her face as she looked toward her. "How's the nose?"</p><p>"It's stopped bleeding and I don't think it's broken."</p><p>"That's good, I would hate to have to explain how I kicked your ass and broke your nose."</p><p>"Not exactly how I remember the afternoon."</p><p>Nat moved closer into her space, slowly looked her up and down. Her open appraisal sent a wave of goosebumps over her skin.</p><p>"Let me make it up to you?" Nat stepped closer, running her hands down Maria's arms, settling on her hips.</p><p>"Come on, Nat. You don't really want to have sex with me."</p><p>"Why do you think that, Agent Hill?" Nat's thumbs were rubbing gently over her wet skin.</p><p>"For starters I'm your supervisor."</p><p>Nat rolled her eyes. "Maybe in title, but we're a team. Colleagues."</p><p>"And that makes it better?" Maria couldn't help but laugh. </p><p>Nat took that as an opening to pull their bodies together. She couldn't deny enjoying the feel of Nat's breasts pressed against her own. They had been alternating between leaning into their natural chemistry or running away from it since Nat was recruited to S.H.I.E.L.D. years ago. But now? It didn't make sense.</p><p>Maria pushed Nat back by the shoulders, forcing her to look at her.</p><p>"Nat, this isn't what you want. You're still rattled from New York. You haven't even been back a full day."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"And it's probably not a great idea to jump into a relationship you don't really want when you're still dealing with the aftermath. We're all still dealing with the aftermath. I don't think a month at the farm is enough to be clear-headed.</p><p>"I dunno, have you tried Laura's lemonade? It's magical," Nat replied without cracking a smile.</p><p>It pained Maria a little bit to say, "You don't want me."</p><p>"What I want…" Nat pulled her into a deep, lip bruising kiss. "Is no strings attached sex with you, right now, against that wall."</p><p>Maria didn't know if it was the earlier blow to the head or the fact that she hadn't gotten laid in six months that clouded her judgement. But all she could think about was kissing Nat again, so she did. Their hands tangled into each other's wet hair as they each tried to get the upper hand. Despite Nat's height disadvantage, she managed to back Maria into the wall, pressing her thigh between Maria's legs. It felt good, so good. Maria had accepted sex would never be a part of their relationship, figuring if they didn't cross that boundary eary on, it was unlikely to happen. But here they were years later, Nat sucking at her collarbone, squeezing her breasts; Maria trying her best to stay upright.</p><p>The tile was cool against her back, but everything else felt hot. Maria's chest was flushed, her cunt was throbbing and she could feel her own slickness against Nat's firm thigh. It wasn't enough.</p><p>"More, Nat. I need more."</p><p>Nat pulled Maria away from the wall, sliding her own body against Maia's left side, perpendicular to her. When Nat straddled her leg, she could feel her arousal, sending a jolt through her. Nat squeezed her breast, teeth grazing her shoulder before she shoved two fingers into her cunt from behind. Maria braced against the wall with her forearm and used her free hand to hold the back of Nat's neck. The water from the shower had turned to sweat and they stayed that way, Nat finger fucking her and rubbing her own clit against Maria's leg until they both came. Maria first and Nat with a little more effort. </p><p>"Nat?" They were both sitting in the shower, slumped against each other recovering. The stream from Nat's shower still running. </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I should let you punch me in the face more often."</p><p>"Thanks for letting me make it up to you."</p><p>Maria thought about kissing Nat again, about moving the hair out of her face. But she knew where that road led to, so instead she pushed off the floor and rinsed off again.</p><p>"See you tomorrow, Romanoff." Maria said as she left the shower. Nat was still on the floor, eyes closed, head resting against the wall. </p><p>"10-4," Nat said, barely shaping her hand into a thumbs up.</p>
<hr/><p>"Natasha, what are you doing here?" Pepper looked genuinely surprised to see her.</p><p>"Tony called me." Natasha was standing in the entryway to Pepper and Tony's bedroom, not quite sure if she should go to Pepper's side. Something about their bedroom made this visit a little unsettling. Even though Pepper and Tony had an open relationship, she and Pepper never intruded on their space. Despite Tony's name on the building, Avenger's tower was as much an Avengers space as it was Tony and Pepper's, but after the Malibu house was blown into the Pacific Ocean, it felt more important than ever to let Pepper dictate how to proceed.</p><p>"Come here."</p><p>Natasha went to her and Pepper adjusted in the bed so she could sit down.</p><p>"I'm sorry I wasn't there. Killian was on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar but we had no idea—"</p><p>"Nat, don't."</p><p>Natasha sighed. Her training had tried to beat it out of her--the necessity of forming relationships--and it nearly did. And she understood why: caring for someone made you irrational. Made you second guess every move you made and that is exactly what she'd been doing since she found out Pepper was kidnapped. To find out it was so much worse, that she was infected with some kind of unknown virus? Medical advancement? Natasha knew a lot of things, but advanced botany wasn't one of them. Tony called it Extremis. </p><p>Pepper grabbed her hand and when she entwined their fingers, she started to glow; suddenly that orange glow emanated from inside and seemed to course through her body like the veins of blood running beneath the skin.</p><p>"Well, that's new." </p><p>"It's weird, this thing, Extremis. It saved my life. Helped me kill Killian. I'm not sure how I feel about all of that."</p><p>"Tony might have mentioned a long fall."</p><p>"Did he mention it was 200 feet?" Pepper laughed. </p><p>"No, he didn't," Natasha said behind gritted teeth.</p><p>Pepper ran her thumb over Natasha's skin. "I'm okay."</p><p>"You're glowing."</p><p>"There is that. Tony's working on it."</p><p>"You weren't glowing when I arrived."</p><p>"Yeah, an unexpected side effect. Apparently Extremis responds to intense emotional stimulation--mostly stress--but also, it seems, joy and arousal can kick it off as well." Pepper kept rubbing her thumb over Natasha's hand while she let that sink in. </p><p>"Can you get overheated?" Natasha measuredly asked.</p><p>"So far, at least when I'm aroused, it's more of an intense warming. Nothing too dangerous yet."</p><p>"Is that a come on, Miss Potts?"</p><p>"Do you want it to be?"</p><p>Natasha leaned down to kiss Pepper, her lips were soft and warm, and she could feel Pepper's body temperature rise a degree or two.</p><p>"What are the chances Tony will watch this on tape later or start propositioning me for a threesome again?"</p><p>"Tony is in South Korea talking to some up and coming prodigy geneticist," Pepper pulled Natasha by the shirt into another kiss, "...but you make a good point. JARVIS, end all surveillance of the master suite for two hours."</p><p>"Right away, Miss Potts," JARVIS answered.</p><p>"Now that's a little weird."</p><p>"We don't have to..."</p><p>"Not that weird." Natasha pulled her shirt overhead and let it drop on the floor by the bed.</p><p>Natasha loved how Pepper's long frame could envelope her, how she was tall, but not slight. Pepper was all muscle and Natasha could straddle her and get a little rough without worrying she would crumble beneath her. She stood and undid her trousers, letting the high waisted grey slacks fall to the floor. </p><p>"Matching bra and panties. Nice touch Ms. Romanoff. Were you expecting to get laid?"</p><p>Natasha looked down at her choice of undergarments, a fairly simple black lace set. "I like to think I'm always prepared for anything."</p><p>"I don't think you can prepare for what you're about to experience."</p><p>Pepper pulled her faded sleep shirt over her head exposing hard nipples. Natasha just stared. It wasn't that she hadn't seen Pepper naked before, and granted it had been a bit, but she was literally glowing from within. The glow highlighted the outline of her ab muscles, that tiny perfect belly button, the large freckle above her left nipple. Natasha wanted nothing more than to take Pepper's breasts in her mouth, to hold them in her hands. She discarded her bra and went to Pepper's side. Pepper pulled open the coverlet, inviting her in.</p><p>The bed was warm where Pepper's body had been, but the sheets were--if Natasha had to guess--some eco friendly bamboo and surprisingly cool against her skin. Natasha luxuriated in the sensation contrast for a minute before cupping Pepper's face. Wherever she touched her, Pepper's skin warmed. It was pleasant, like how her own skin felt after sitting under a heating pad for 20 minutes.</p><p>Pepper kissed her, hard; her tongue was insistent, demanded the upper hand. </p><p>When they broke for air Natasha whispered into her ear, "I missed you too, Pepper."</p><p>Pepper pushed Natasha back, moving up on her knees.</p><p>"Here, let me help you with these." Pepper pulled on her underwear and dragged them down her thighs. Not only was she glowing, but she had the most genuine smile. Natasha cupped Pepper's cheek, trying to hold onto this memory. Some of her missions were long, too long, and she needed images like this to get her through cold nights.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Free of her underwear and unwilling to let Pepper take the lead, Natasha hooked her foot on Pepper's, rolling on top of her. Before Pepper could protest, she let her knee fall between Pepper's legs, thigh pressing lightly against Pepper's clit, at least for now. Her palms framed Pepper's head and she smiled like it was their first time. Natasha missed this, the thrill of kissing someone like you had nothing else to do, nowhere to go. Like your clit wasn't throbbing, begging for attention. Neither of them liked to rush when they could help it. </p><p>There was an intimacy in kissing Pepper, an art that wasn't about distracting a mark, or enduring it until she could get on with the main event, the kill. No, being with Pepper was pure pleasure. A choice. Natasha wanted Pepper in a way that was hard to acknowledge, a way that went against her earliest training. Maybe that's <em>why</em> she enjoyed it so much.</p><p>"I've missed this," Pepper said, running her hands over Natasha's shoulder blades, the warmth of Pepper's fingertips soothing aches from her sparring session yesterday.</p><p>Pepper had a way of admiring Natasha's body. Not for what it could do--Pepper had hardly seen her in action--but because it was Natasha's. Natasha dipped her head and pressed her tongue into Pepper's mouth, who in turn sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth, grazing the skin but not breaking it. Natasha's body was warm, tingly. She felt limber like she was 14 again and doing Ballet three times a week between more traditional combat training.</p><p>As Natasha pulled away Pepper said, "I want your hand inside me." </p><p>Pepper had this tone that fell somewhere between an order and a request, but wasn't exactly either. It went straight to Nat's clit. She was already throbbing with need and could feel her own slickness between her legs and yet, making Pepper come was all she could think of. Natasha pushed up, straddling Pepper's thigh. She had always found Pepper's beauty to be understated and now she was literally glowing. It was a lot to take in. Pepper ground into Natasha's thigh, silently showing her how wet she was, wanting and waiting.</p><p>Natasha repositioned herself between Pepper's legs and started to work her open, one hand on her hip the other working gentle strokes through her wetness. Natasha's fingers massaging the inside of her labia enjoying how some of Pepper's coarse red curls stuck to her wrist. Pepper pressed her hips down onto Nat's hand, nudging her inside, begging. Another day Natasha would have made her wait, but it had been so long, and she wanted it just as much. She let her thumb dance over Pepper's clit, waited for her to squirm into the sheets before she slid two fingers inside. </p><p>"This is incredible." Natasha couldn't help saying so, it just fell out of her mouth. The walls of Pepper's vagina were warm and pliable. She easily added another finger and at that Pepper's legs fell apart. She was glistening and open and Natasha wanted nothing more than to commit this to memory.</p><p>"Go ahead, do it, use your whole hand."</p><p>Natasha's pelvic floor clenched uncontrollably at the offer. Despite her eagerness, she proceeded carefully folding her thumb into her hand and tilting Pepper's hips up just enough to push in. It was unlike any other time, Pepper's cunt stretched like putty and was growing slicker by the second. Natasha worked her hand around, testing and teasing Pepper. She pressed her other palm to Pepper's hood and began rolling big firm circles around her clit.</p><p>"Jesus, Natasha. Yes, fuck me. You feel so good inside." </p><p>Pepper was breathing hard and thrusting her hips toward her but kept her eyes on Nat instead of letting them fall closed. It was a little unnerving, but also incredibly sexy to have one of the most powerful people she knew yielding to her, practically begging to be sent over the edge. Watching her do it. She could nearly come from the rush.</p><p>Natasha increased the pressure around Pepper's clit and saw her breath catch, knowing she was close.</p><p>"Just...a...little...bit...more. Oh fuck, Natasha. Yes!"</p><p>Natasha felt Pepper clamp around her wrist, body convulsing from the power of her orgasm. It was delectable. Pepper was absolutely radiant, everything was warm and soft. She didn't have to work too hard to free her hand. Pepper smiled and pushed her bangs to the side.</p><p>"You're a woman of many talents, Miss Romanoff."</p><p>"Always at your service, Miss Potts. But, right now, I need you to just," Natasha adjusted Pepper's leg back to a neutral position, "hold steady right here."</p><p>Natasha positioned herself on top of Pepper's thigh and felt a pool of liquid release. She was so wound up, it only took a little bit of friction, clit rubbing on Pepper's firm thigh, to send her own orgasm coursing through her. She slid up Pepper's body finding a familiar place in her arms.</p><p>"You're right, I wasn't prepared. And I won't ever forget that."</p><p>"Me either."</p><p>Pepper ran her fingers over Natasha's hair in soothing strokes. They were both enjoying that post orgasm haze, and Natasha was trying not to remember how much she missed being in Pepper's arms.</p><p>"Hey, Pepper?"</p><p>"Hmm?" Natasha could tell Pepper was close to sleep, but she couldn't wait any longer.</p><p>"I met someone."</p><p>Pepper's eyes opened, not in alarm, but focusing her attention on Nat rather than the pull of sleep. "Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Natasha, this better not have been your way of saying goodbye." </p><p>"What? No. Pepper, come on. It's not like that. It's not...we're not…"</p><p>"Exclusive?" Pepper offered, sitting up. Natasha felt badly about ruining her imminent post coital nap, but this was important.</p><p>"I was going to say serious. But that too."</p><p>"Is it Bruce?"</p><p>"Why do you say that?"</p><p>"Tony might have mentioned something."</p><p>"Well, <em>Tony</em> doesn't know everything. It's not Bruce."</p><p>"Do they know about us?"</p><p>"Maria. She knows I have a relationship with someone who's in a relationship with someone else. I mean, that's just polite. I haven't told her exactly who yet. It's complicated."</p><p>"How so?"</p><p>"Well, you being you and Tony being Tony is enough. But...we work together. Which makes this whole arrangement a bit more awkward."</p><p>Natasha turned in to face Pepper, forcing herself to stop chewing the inside of her cheek.</p><p>"Maria HIll?"</p><p>"When did you meet Maria?" Natasha propped herself up on her elbow.</p><p>"At Coulson's funeral."</p><p>"Right."</p><p>Pepper reached out and held her by the arm.</p><p>"That wasn't your fault."</p><p>"I know. Doesn't make it hurt any less."</p><p>Pepper pulled Natasha closer into her body and held her. The warmth of Extremis wrapping them into a warm cocoon.</p><p>"I'm happy for you Natasha, truly." Pepper's voice was soft and soothing, the pull of sleep strong. Natasha closed her eyes, with the Maria news broken, she was finally able to relax enough to try and join Pepper in dozing off.</p>
<hr/><p>As Pepper woke she realized her bed was empty. She sighed into her pillow but wasn't surprised. Natasha often snuck out before she was awake. It used to bother her, but she couldn't ask more of Natasha when she wasn't able to always give it herself. When she heard Natasha come back into the room with two bottles of Perrier in her hands, she couldn't help the smile that burst onto her face.</p><p>"I thought you'd left," Pepper remarked, voice still low and husky from sleep.</p><p>"I hope it's okay I stayed."</p><p>Natasha opened a water and handed it to her, Pepper took a sip enjoying the feel of the cool liquid down her throat.</p><p>"Thank you, Natasha," Pepper's cheeks warmed at the thought of Natasha inside of her just hours before.</p><p>"Who knew Perrier was that good," Natasha deflected, taking a sip from her own bottle.</p><p>"Nice shirt," Pepper said through her smile. She wanted to smirk but seeing Natasha in her t-shirt was too heartwarming to give her a hard time about. It was long enough to cover most of her, but she was sure Natasha's ass was peeking out in the back. She longed to find out.</p><p>"You want it back?" Natasha moved like she was going to pull it over her head but Pepper intervened, "No, keep it. Come back to bed." Natasha put their bottles on the night stand and crawled in next to Pepper. </p><p>They settled into a comfortable position, Natasha on her back, Pepper snuggled into her breast. Natasha played with her hair, and they just lay like that for a while, bodies pressed close, holding each other.</p><p>Pepper hated to break the silence, but couldn't hold it in any longer. "Natasha, how do you deal with your job?"</p><p>Natasha canted her head toward Pepper, stilling her hand in Pepper's hair just above her ear.</p><p>"What do you mean, exactly?"</p><p>"Well, we both know Tony hasn't dealt with being an Avenger, with the decisions you have to make out there...but you...you don't seem to spiral like he does," Pepper took a deep breath, "like I'm starting to."</p><p>"Pepper, talk to me."</p><p>"I just. I killed a man, Natasha. Killian wasn't a great person, but still, it was me, I did it."</p><p>Pepper felt Natasha's hand stroking her hair again, but she didn't speak, so Pepper continued. "It wasn't even me, if that makes sense, this virus, Extremis, whatever it is, it had a hold of me and all I felt was rage. It was easy, satisfying even. When I regulated again, the rage left me. I think I was in shock? Tony was there and the weight of blowing Killian to bits didn't really hit me until after."</p><p>Natasha kissed her softly on the temple. "There isn't a quick fix or how to get over killing someone 101. I was trained not to feel remorse, not to absorb the weight of my actions."</p><p>"Natasha, I didn't mean to--"</p><p>"It's okay. What I'm trying to say is I think you just need to take it slow. Talk about it if you need to, meditate or do yoga, you know? Take a run outside. But, Pepper, don't blame yourself okay? Whatever Extremis turns out to be, it was forced on you, and you are not responsible for what followed, no matter how much it might feel like you are."</p><p>Pepper pulled Natasha closer to her by the hip. She knew she wouldn't want an overly effusive show of gratitude, so she just snuggled in closer, let her feel the warmth and comfort she provided through the heat radiating off of her.</p><p>"Ready for round two, Miss Potts?"</p><p>Pepper bit at the shirt Natasha was wearing before sliding her hand underneath the hem.</p><p>"Definitely."</p>
<hr/><p><em>I wasn't sure who to trust.</em> Fury's words tumbled around Nat's head. Apparently he hadn't trusted her.</p><p>"Hill!"</p><p>"Romanoff, I can't do this right now," Maria looked down the hallway of the black site medical facility, "not here."</p><p>Natasha grabbed Maria's wrist. "Well, I'm not willing to wait."</p><p>Maria stepped closer into Natasha’s space, using the hold on her wrist to pull them together. Leaning into Natasha's ear, Maria pleaded, "Nat, please, not here. My place, one hour."</p><p>Natasha released her grip and sauntered off. Pissed off didn't begin to describe the rage--and if Natasha was honest with herself, the hurt--that was threatening to overtake her. Maria was afraid of them making a scene; Natasha was afraid of losing control in front of the team, what was left of the team anyway, so she shoved it down next to her lifetime of hurts and just kept walking.</p><p>Maria always knew how to get under her skin, ever since Clint brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D.. Maria, being Fury's right hand, oversaw her reprogramming, her assimilation into the team, the field work (partnered with Clint at first) then some solo missions. Tests really. Natasha always knew the person she needed to impress was Maria Hill. She should have seen this coming. Of course Maria knew Fury was alive—no, worse, <em>she orchestrated the whole fucking thing</em>. Fury was like a father to her, to both of them; but, Maria would always be the eldest, the first daughter.</p><p>Natasha was passing the time thinking about what she would do if Maria was late, if she didn't show. A fool's errand--if Maria was late she was dead. Maria turned the lock in the key 58 minutes from when Natasha left her standing in the hallway outside Fury's bed. Maria locked the door and set her stuff in its place in the entryway, keys in the little cup, coat on the hook. All of it on autopilot; Natasha had watched this routine, many times before. When Maria layed eyes on Natasha she took a deep breath, then she unlaced her boots and pulled them off before coming over to where Natasha was perched on the couch.</p><p>"Hey," Maria said with the warmth of hot cocoa on a cold day.</p><p>"That's not going to work." Natasha was still absolutely fuming and she wasn't going to be placated. Wasn't going to let Maria get comfortable, ease into it--pretend she was on her side. Natasha crossed her arms, trying to put up another barrier between them. Maria looked great, and of course she did. She hadn't spent the last week trying to figure out what happened inside of SHIELD while trying and failing not to think about Fury being dead.</p><p>"Natasha--"</p><p>"No, don't 'Natasha' me. Just because we're fucking, absolutely does not mean you're getting a pass here."</p><p>"What do you want from me?"</p><p>"I want you to tell me why you thought it was acceptable to lie to my face about Fury's death." Natasha pushed off the couch and invaded Maria's space, bringing their noses inches apart, eyes locked.</p><p>"I didn't have a choice." Maria broke first and looked down.</p><p>"We always have a choice, you just happened to choose the mission."</p><p>Maria's head snapped back up. "And you wouldn't? I don't believe that for a second Natasha! Fury's alive isn't he? I executed the plan, and it worked. I wasn't expecting a parade but you could at least be grateful."</p><p>"I don't like being in the dark, Maria. You know that. You know me. <em>That</em> is why I'm pissed."</p><p>Maria wrapped her hands gently around Natasha's wrists, pulling Nat's hands to Maria's hips.</p><p>"You can't fuck your way out of this one, Hill."</p><p>"No?"</p><p>"No," Natasha said, moving her hands around to unzip Maria's skirt. "But, I need to burn off some steam, and you're going to help me."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Art by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/DachOsmin/pseuds/Leonor">Leonor (DachOsmin)</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday morning when Pepper got into her office and turned on her monitor she was startled to see her word processing program open.</p><p>"F.R.I.D.A.Y., scan the network for malware."</p><p>Pepper knew Tony's AI scanned their systems regularly, but she issued the directive on instinct and when her eyes settled on the words before her she finally released her breath.</p><p>"No signs of malicious activity, Miss Potts."</p><p>Pepper read the note again.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>I'll be gone for a while. It will all make sense soon. This isn't goodbye.</p>
  <p>-N</p>
  <p>P.S. Take a look at the Hill file.</p>
</blockquote>The cursor hovered next to the 'N' as if Natasha wasn't sure whether or how to sign this missive. Pepper let her head rest on the back of her chair, sighing. She thought she had prepared for this day, for worse than this, but she realized in that moment that it was only hubris and necessity that let people believe they could "prepare" for losing the people they loved.<p>After she completed her deep breathing regimen and took another sip of her coffee, she unlocked and opened the bottom drawer of her desk. Sure enough in between the Anderson and Kwon files sat one labeled Hill.</p><p>"F.R.I.D.A.Y., hold all my calls through lunch and place an order for Sushi from Kru to be delivered at 11:45am, chef's choice nigiri and a spider roll."</p><p>Pepper fingered Maria's photo, a black and white headshot Pepper was sure Natasha had swiped from S.H.I.E.L.D. or what once was. She wondered if Natasha had a file on her lying around somewhere, stored at a safehouse or a hidden cubby in her apartment? Best not to dwell on that. Pepper took another sip from her coffee and settled into her chair with the file. <em>Maria Hill, what can you do for me?</em></p><p>She had extensive experience getting through bad press, rehabilitating Stark Industries image, even disappearing a few of Tony's sex tapes. But Hydra, that was a level ten clusterfuck she wasn't sure even someone with her talents could have fixed. And now there was nothing she could do, everything was out there. Reporters hadn't even scratched the surface of the files Natasha had dumped onto the internet and the story had already survived the 48 hour news cycle with no sign of slowing. Natasha's strategic but informationless answers at the hearings had only made people more hungry to discover the whereabouts of The Avengers. She had even seen an Anti-Cap think piece on a local ABC outlet. </p><p>She knew Natasha would be MIA for an extended time period, and it made her head swim as much as it hurt her heart. They had finally found a rhythm, an offbeat one for sure, but it was theirs.</p>
<hr/><p>"Thanks, Maria, that's all I have for tonight." Pepper turned to leave Maria's office.</p><p>“Hey, Pepper?"</p><p>Pepper looked back expectantly. "Yes?"</p><p>"I was just wondering...have you heard from Nat?”</p><p>Pepper shut Maria's door then sat in the chair opposite her. She was an understated beauty. Pepper could easily see what Natasha saw in her. How their jobs made them compatible. But there was a hidden elegance to Maria that Pepper was sure she could pull out. </p><p>“No. No, not since she told me, in no uncertain terms, to offer you a job.”</p><p>"Oh, I didn't realize she had put in a good word for me." Maria sat back in her chair and seemed genuinely surprised. Pepper wanted to go to her, to offer some physical comfort, but instead tried to reassure her.</p><p>"Your credentials speak for themselves, Maria. You have to know that."</p><p>"I do. When S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, there was a lot going on, and I just…I can't help but feel responsible, you know? Hell, I oversaw the hiring of half of those ex-military special forces goons. To think they were working under our nose for years. Even back to New York. Earlier probably."</p><p>"Tony mentioned Fury suspected, had an off book safe house or something?"</p><p>"Yeah, well. When you worked with Fury for as long as I had, you just accepted that he had conspiracy theories within conspiracy theories. He was always trying to be ahead of everyone and for a while he probably was. But...he ran out of runway at some point and as you know, when the shit hit the fan, it really hit the fan."</p><p>"Nothing you could have done."</p><p>Maria leaned back in her chair, stared off into space. Finally she said, "Maybe that's true. But I'll never not wonder if I just picked up on one clue here or there if--"</p><p>"You'll make yourself crazy," Pepper said reassuringly. "Believe me, if I had second guessed myself everytime something here went off the rails, I would have been in a tailspin long ago."</p><p>Maria looked at her again, jaw clenched tight. Pepper wasn't sure if Maria wanted to punch something or cry. Maybe both.</p><p>"I'm here, Maria, if you ever want to talk."</p><p>"She disappeared without saying goodbye," Maria said, bitterly.</p><p>Pepper's heart stuttered at the raw mention of Natasha. She was trying not to think about it, but in the moment she was selfishly glad Natasha had left her a note, something to say she was okay. Pepper was sure she had a reason for not reaching out to Maria, but she didn't want to speculate.</p><p>"You know Natasha, she's not great at the messy parts. She always spoke fondly of you and your work, you impressed her, if you were not also infuriating her." Both women laughed at that.</p><p>"She talked about you too, you know," Maria said softly. Maria picked up the basketball shaped stress ball on her desk and passed it between her hands. She wasn't any better at the messy parts. That's why they worked. Why she and Nat could fuck and fight and leave it all out on the table. But where had that left them? Work was as good an excuse as any not to get too close, too emotional, but Maria couldn't help it. If she was honest she was all in on Nat the minute Clint walked her sheepishly through her office door.</p><p>"All good things, I'm sure." The comment seemed to bring Maria back to the moment. </p><p>Maria looked resigned now, letting out a sigh. "I guess it makes sense--Nat trying to put us together--give us each other when she knew she couldn't be here for either of us." Maria set the ball down and rubbed the back of her neck. She looked back to Pepper and pursed her lips, trying for a half smile but failing.</p><p>"She always has a plan, and her backup plans have plans. Sounds like she and Fury were a lot alike on that front." Pepper wasn't sure if Maria was grieving or if that comment was a come on, so she decided to give her some space. Pepper stood and walked to the door, "I'll let you know if I hear from her, promise."</p><p>"Thanks, Pepper. Likewise."</p><p>Pepper walked toward the elevator and couldn't bring herself to look back. She knew Natasha would be back, but she didn't know when, and the uncertainty in her life is always what keeps her up at night.</p>
<hr/><p>Pepper often left the office late, usually after seven, on occasion as late as ten or eleven. Sometimes she and Maria found themselves in the elevator together, but their paths didn't cross as much as Pepper got the feeling either of them would have liked. It had been a long week, and Pepper couldn't be happier about the fact that it was Friday, her jacuzzi tub was calling. When she noticed Maria's light on, she immediately changed course. She had left before Maria every night that week and Pepper was compelled to do something nice for her.</p><p>Pepper knew she was a sight to behold, fancy suit and heels, balancing a cutoff cardboard box full of takeout, but the joy in Maria's voice when she crossed the threshold of her office was worth it.</p><p>"That smells amazing! Chinese?"</p><p>Pepper placed the box down and started unpacking containers. "Yeah, I figured you hadn't eaten yet. Just lie to me if you have." </p><p>"No, I'm starving."</p><p>"What's Tony got you working on? You've rarely left the building this week."</p><p>"Just trying to get ahead."</p><p>Pepper knew that was probably not the whole story, but after her relationship with Natasha, and what she knew of Maria's work with S.H.I.E.L.D.; how she'd hired her and Tony basically co-opted her to keep working for The Avengers, it just wasn't worth proding. </p><p>"Lo Mein? Rice?"</p><p>"Yes, and yes. All of it. This looks great, Pepper. Thank you." Pepper would be lying to herself if she didn't admit to enjoying the way her name sounded on Maria's lips. How appreciative she always was and how easily 'Thank you' could slip from them.</p><p>Pepper finished scooping out portions for them both from all the containers and settled the box on the floor. Maria was digging into her plate when Pepper pulled the bottle of white wine out of her purse.</p><p>"You wouldn't happen to have a wine opener? I forgot to bring the one from my office."</p><p>"I'm more of a whiskey in the bottom drawer kind of girl, but I was also a girl scout." Maria opened her top drawer and pulled out a combo wine-bottle opener and two tumblers. Pepper handed her the bottle and Maria popped an egg roll into her mouth before attempting to open the wine. The way Maria attacked her food reminded her of Tony, and that thought made her stomach flutter.</p><p>Pepper balanced a piece of orange chicken on her chopsticks and eagerly took her cup of wine from Maria, taking a few quick sips before popping the chicken into her mouth.</p><p>"Any big plans this weekend?" Pepper hoped getting Maria to talk about herself would distract her from thinking about how Maria's forearms flexed when she opened the wine.</p><p>Between bites Maria said, "Sleep? Go for a run." </p><p>"Your social life sounds like mine, non existent."</p><p>Maria looked at her, head tilted. "That's mostly by choice though, right?"</p><p>Pepper drank more wine. "You know how my life is, being in the public eye, dealing with Tony's celebrity. If I'm not scheduled to be somewhere, I prefer to be at home with a book and my bathtub."</p><p>"Well, if that isn't an image." Maria waggled her eyebrows good naturedly.</p><p>Pepper blushed, but when Maria didn't walk her comment back, the flutter in her stomach returned.</p><p>"It's supposed to be a nice weekend, do you want to go for a run on Sunday? I know it's early, but if you hit Central Park around 5am it's not too busy." Maria held her chopsticks in the air while she waited for an answer.</p><p>"5am...and I thought I was an early riser."</p><p>"You can take the girl out of the military, but you can't take the military out of the girl." Maria sat back in her chair, her eyes avoiding Pepper's.</p><p>The moment shifted to a darker place unexpectedly and they both let it settle around them.</p><p>"If you ever want to talk, Maria, I'm always willing to listen."</p><p>"Thanks, Pepper. I appreciate that." Maria put another egg roll into her mouth.</p><p>"Count me in for Sunday."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I think it will be fun and we could both use some time away from the Tower."</p>
<hr/><p>Pepper looked fantastic in joggers. Who was she kidding, Pepper always looked fantastic. She bet even whatever Pepper considered lounging around the house clothes looked good on her. Maria knew her own body was fit, but she really had very little interest in her own ensemble. She rarely quit working so utility was her primary concern. Though since she'd been at Stark Industries, she'd at least tried to be a little more office appropriate. Pepper though, she looked effortless in every situation and that made Maria both envious and aroused. </p><p>Maybe it was all the endorphins transforming her into a horny teenager, but Maria couldn't stop thinking of getting Pepper back to her place. Pepper had been keeping a fast pace for the last five miles and while Maria knew she was slightly taller, Pepper certainly hadn't had the training she had, nor did she expect she would have to work to keep up with what appeared to be Pepper's casual pace. They had mostly been running in a comfortable silence, the crisp air of the morning and the awakening sounds of nature keeping them company.</p><p>Maria looked over at Pepper who had recently tied her jacket around her waist without unzipping it or necessitating they stop. In the morning light she could clearly see the patches of freckles on the tops of Pepper's shoulders, what a shame they were so often covered by suit jackets. She glanced at her Garmin watch.</p><p>"Just another mile or so and we'll be at 10K. You okay with that?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm feeling good, but don't want to push it too much."</p><p>Maria laughed through her slightly labored breathing, "Oh, good, because it looks to me like you're hardly pushing at all."</p><p>Pepper's open mouth smile took her breath away, "Sorry, old habits I guess. I ran track all through school, attended college on a track scholarship actually. I never let my competitors see whether I was struggling or not."</p><p>"Works in the boardroom too I bet."</p><p>"You know, I never really thought of it that way but yeah, it's kind of that same skill. I have a great poker face."</p><p>"Hey, if we hang a right up ahead we can grab an egg sandwich from Andy's, sound good?"</p><p>"Are you asking me out on a date, Maria Hill?"</p><p>Maria panicked, was she that obvious? Since when was an egg sandwich a date? Andy's does the best bacon, egg, and cheese in the Upper West Side, but Maria was hardly ready to think about a date--with Pepper Potts. And what about Tony? Maria didn't even think Pepper was available. Pepper's tone was encouraging and that made it all the more brain breaking.</p><p>"Uhhh…" Was all Maria could manage.</p><p>They both stopped running, Maria bent over to try and catch her breath, but also to avoid looking at Pepper. <em>Shit.</em> How was this going sideways all of the sudden?</p><p>"Look, Maria, no pressure, I just thought that...you know what, never mind. Did I mention I don't get out much? I'm sorry."</p><p>Maria stood up, made eye contact.</p><p>"No, it's not that. You didn't...I didn't…"</p><p>Pepper bit her lip to cover a small chuckle.</p><p>"We didn't what, Maria?</p><p>"What about Tony?" Maria narrowed her eyes at Pepper. "I mean, forget about the fact that I work for you...both. But, being the other woman isn't really my style."</p><p>Maria noticed Pepper's body tense, the veins in her throat popping out ever so slightly.<br/>
Pepper put her hands on her hips and Maria regretted being so blunt. </p><p>"But it was fine to sleep with Natasha while I was?" Pepper spun around in place, nowhere to stalk off to. "Yeah, sure, okay Maria. Whatever helps you sleep better at night." Her tone was definitely not encouraging now.</p><p>Maria felt the blood drain from her face.</p><p>"It was you? This whole time, it was you?" Maria stumbled over to a nearby bench and Pepper followed, grabbing her by the elbow.</p><p>"Oh, shit. Maria, I'm sorry. You didn't know? I thought you knew. Natasha didn't tell you that Tony and I have an open relationship? I mean I'm sure he makes more use of it than I do. But yeah, Natasha and I have been...for a while."</p><p>Maria closed her eyes and took a breath before looking at Pepper again. "Nat and I...we didn't start out serious. Honestly I thought it was a one and done thing, just stress relief, unhealthy coping mechanisms… you know?"</p><p>Pepper nodded, "Tony is the king of unhealthy coping mechanisms, so yeah, I know. It's kind of a thing with you Avengers isn't it?"</p><p>That broke the tension and even got a small laugh out of Maria. She stood up, pacing in front of the bench. Pepper sat patiently. "I don't know--we never put a label on it. We were free to see other people. She told me she was seeing someone else...who was in an open relationship...she seemed different. You were good for her. I think...she loves you. Wow, I'm just playing the fool, huh?"</p><p>"I don't think you're a fool, Maria. I'm sorry. I truly thought you knew. I know Natasha thought it was complicated, but you know how Tony is, I just figured everyone in The Avenger's knew. The way you joked about Natasha bringing us together...I just thought…"</p><p>"Looks like we both made some false assumptions. You didn't misread me. I do find myself thinking about you more and more. But I'm going to need some time to process all of this."</p><p>"I understand." Pepper's stomach growled. "But, could we still get that egg sandwich? That run really took it out of me. I can't remember the last time I did 10K not on a treadmill. That was really nice."</p><p>Maria outstretched her hand and Pepper took it, hopping off the bench.</p><p>"Would you believe it, Nat's the one that introduced me to Andy's." That elicited a deep belly laugh from both of them, and they walked arm in arm toward W 77th Street.</p>
<hr/><p>The boys were occupied with drinking contests and battle stories and she'd spotted Nat and Bruce flirting at the bar. Maria took her chance to slip into the elevator and headed down to the office suite. She knew it was the right decision when she saw Pepper’s office light on.</p><p>Maria rapped her knuckles on the frame of the open door. Pepper looked up and flashed her that brilliant open mouthed smile.</p><p>“I thought you were at the party?” Pepper put her index finger up indicating the faint noise filtering down from the penthouse.</p><p>Maria came closer, stopping at the edge of Pepper’s desk. “I thought you were going to be there. I even wore this little number just for you.” Maria slowly twirled around giving Pepper a view of her red cocktail dress, it’s high hem, and her choice of high heels. </p><p>“I guess you brought the party to me.”</p><p>Pepper stood, pinned Maria against her desk. Their lips met and Maria tasted the cherry of Pepper’s chapstick and the tartness of her champagne. Pepper ran her hands along her ribs, settling on her hips. With surprising ease, Pepper guided her around pushing her down on the desk. She felt her dress sag at the pull of her zipper; heard Pepper say into her ear, “Is this the party favor you were looking for?”</p><p>Maria’s legs trembled on unsteady high heels and she quickly kicked them off. Pepper shoved her dress down and off  her arms giving Pepper access to her breasts. </p><p>“Yes.” Maria couldn’t help but encourage her. </p><p>She would be happily bent over Pepper’s desk any day of the week. It had been too long since they’d been together and Maria had been horny since she’d put on this dress with Pepper in mind. </p><p>Pepper palmed her breasts and Maria could feel the fabric of Pepper’s own dress pressing into her naked back. She felt her hair being swept aside and Pepper’s teeth grazing her pulse point. When she reached the rounded muscle of her shoulder, she sucked at before biting down. Maria threw her head back, loving the pain. Unwilling to wait any longer, Maria let her dress fall to the floor and shoved her own hand under her panties, pressing sharply against her clit.</p><p>“Are you wet for me?”</p><p>“Yes, dripping,” Maria said as she exhaled out. Rubbing herself harder. </p><p>“Have you been a naughty girl?” Pepper drawled.</p><p>“Yes.” Maria’s voice was starting to sound desperate and she was okay with that. Pepper’s palm ran down her back and settled on her ass. She tugged Maria’s panties down and gave her ass a quick slap.</p><p>“Face me.”</p><p>Maria complied. Pepper took Maria’s hand and guided her fingers into her mouth. </p><p>“You’re so needy you couldn’t even wait for me.”</p><p>Maria let out a whimpering, “Yes.”</p><p>Pepper sucked her own fingers and thrust two into Maria. Pepper licked at Maria’s nipple over her lace bra, the fabric rough against her skin pushing her closer to the edge. </p><p>“Please. I need you, Pepper.”</p><p>Pepper quickened her pace and when she bit into her shoulder again Maria couldn’t help but tumble over the edge. She slumped against the desk, legs overworked. Everything felt loose and limber. </p><p>She pulled Pepper into a languid kiss.</p><p>“You’re delightful.”</p><p>“Happy to oblige,” Pepper smirked. </p><p>Pepper enjoyed having the upper hand and Maria enjoyed being at her whim. She pulled her dress off the floor but set her underwear on top of Pepper’s desk.</p><p>“Party favor.”</p><p>Pepper helped her zip up the back. Kissing the exposed skin along her neck.</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>Maria turned to look at her. “What?”</p><p>Pepper grazed her fingers over the purpling spot on Maria’s shoulder, sucking at the bruise gently. “That’s going to leave a mark.”</p><p>Pepper moved to her desk chair, sliding off a brown leather jacket. </p><p>“Here,” she said, offering the coat.</p><p>“What if I don’t want to go back to the party?” </p><p>“You don’t want to listen to more War Machine stories?”</p><p>Maria laughed lightly. </p><p>“So that’s why you’re hiding out in your office?”</p><p>Pepper pulled her into a quick hug.</p><p>“Actually, I still have work to do. But this was an unexpected break. Thank you.”</p><p>Maria didn’t want to go, but she understood the pressure Pepper was under. Maria pulled her into a bruising kiss, punctuating the night.</p><p>Pepper was settled back in her desk chair by the time Maria made the door.</p><p>“Hey, Hill? Don’t be a stranger.”</p><p>Maria pulled the jacket tighter around her, enjoying the smell of Pepper’s custom perfume. </p><p>“Goodnight, Pepper.”</p>
<hr/><p>The relative frequency of The Avengers suffering a major loss or being involved in a very public battle which was narrowly won and resulted in a lot of collateral damage was starting to wear on everyone. They had been working out of the new upstate compound for a few months and Maria sensed Nat still wasn't operating with a full tank. Wanda was on their side now, but her powers were undeniable, and the aftereffects of mind meddling were a big unknown. It had taken Clint over a year to get back into action after New York, and this was definitely not that bad, but Nat wasn't one to ask for help. Banner was still AWOL, and Maria couldn't seem to get Nat to open up to her. </p><p>She and Nat hadn't found a way back to each other after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, and that was okay. It was just another thing they didn't talk about. But, the work they did hadn't gotten any less dangerous and she needed Nat at 100% so it was time to call in reinforcements, literally.</p><p>"Hey, Maria. What can I do for you?" </p><p>Maria could just imagine Pepper, sitting in her plush leather office chair, bluetooth headset in one ear. After The Avengers moved out of Stark Tower, Pepper and Tony were more stable and less off-again, on-again. Pepper and her time together seemed to fizz out just as her and Nat had. But, she was still hopeful this could work.</p><p>"Am I that obvious? I hope I don't only call when I need something."</p><p>Pepper's voice was warm, comforting, "I don't think that, it's just been a while, and it's 7am on Tuesday. I figured this wasn't a social call."</p><p><em>Ugh.</em> Maria missed Pepper.</p><p>"Well, funny you mention that. It is a bit of a social call. It's Nat."</p><p>"Maria, you know Natasha and I have been on a break."</p><p>"I know. I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it would help. But she hasn't been fully present since Sakovia. She's taking the Banner thing pretty personally, and I just thought...I think an adult sleepover is needed. She needs us, Pepper. If you were around, you would see it too."</p><p>"Ouch."</p><p>"Pepper, I didn't mean that how it came out. I know you are still running Stark Industries. One night. I think it will really do her good to know we still care about her. Regardless of what's happened in the past.</p><p>"Okay, Maria. I've always trusted your judgement in the past, so I don't see why this would be any different. I'll see you at seven, with dinner. You provide the ice cream."</p><p>"Plan to stay over."</p><p>"I've already mentally packed my overnight bag. See you later."</p><p>The line went dead and Maria sighed. She quickly sent a text to Nat.</p><p>
  <em>Dinner and Pajama Party. My suite, 7pm. Don't even think about bailing, I know where you sleep.</em>
</p><p>Nat always appreciated a good threat.</p><p>Her day was packed and when six hit, she barely registered why her alarm was going off. She closed down her computer and hit the shower. When Pepper walked into her suite she was still towel drying her hair. Sam trailed behind her carrying her overnighter. </p><p>"Thanks, Sam." Pepper gave him an appreciative peck on the cheek.</p><p>"Did you bring food for the whole house, or…?"</p><p>"Goodbye, Sam."</p><p>Sam nearly backed into Nat, still making eyebrows at Pepper and her.</p><p>"I'm walkin' here," Nat said, a perfect Dustin Hoffman impression. Sam nearly jumped out of his shoes sending Maria and Pepper into a fit of giggles.</p><p>"I see what's happening here. Girls Night. Okay, enjoy your night."</p><p>Nat blew him a kiss and closed the door.</p><p>"Maria, you failed to mention Pepper would be joining us." Maria couldn't tell if Nat was upset or just surprised.</p><p>Nat came over and gave Pepper a European greeting and then found a seat on the armchair furthest away from them. Maria knew Nat felt cornered, but was unsure how to smooth it over. Pepper on the other hand, didn't miss a beat.</p><p>"I brought food if you're hungry. Italian."</p><p>"Baked ziti?"</p><p>Natasha uncurled her legs and came closer to the takeout containers Pepper was arranging on her counter.</p><p>"Would I show up with anything else?"</p><p>Maria suddenly felt left out. "Is this a thing I should know about?"</p><p>Pepper looked at Nat incredulously, "You never took Maria for ziti?"</p><p>Nat looked at them both and shrugged. "It was our place. It didn't seem right."</p><p>Maria was sure she was still missing something, but the food smelled amazing, and she was trying her best not to make this about her. To Maria's delight, everything tasted even better than it smelled, and it seemed to have defrosted Nat's mood.</p><p>Pepper convinced them to crawl into Maria's bed and watch old episodes of Golden Girls on the holoprojector. Nat had told her once that no matter where she was in the world, stuck in a safe house or on a stake out, Golden Girls was syndicated everywhere. </p><p>An episode had ended but nobody moved to cue up another one. Nat was wedged firmly between them. Pepper had been playing with Nat's curls all night, just letting those large ringlets float between and around her fingers. For her part, Nat was using Maria like a second pillow.</p><p>The screen had long gone black and Maria was nearly asleep when Nat said into the darkness, "Do you think I'll ever get it right?"</p><p>Pepper must not have been close to sleep because she responded first, "What, Natasha?"</p><p>"This. A relationship."</p><p>Maria was quick to jump in. "Bruce wasn't your fault, Nat. Wanda got in his head, not even his head, Hulk's. There was nothing you could do."</p><p>"He asked me to go away with him, Bruce did, and I pushed him into a pit just to make sure the Hulk would come out."</p><p>Maria squeezed Nat's arm. "You needed the Hulk; we all did. There was no way to know what would happen."</p><p>"Okay, let's say that's true. What about you and I," Nat turned toward Pepper, "and you and I? Especially you, Pepper. I was perfectly fine not getting attached until I met you."</p><p>"Natasha. Come here." Pepper opened her arms, and Natasha crawled into them. Maria rubbed her back while Pepper held her.</p><p>"I'll always be here for you. No matter what. Our lives, all of our lives are so unusual. Tony. God. Do you know how many times I've tried to quit him, quit this life. It's a lot to handle, too much sometimes. I can't speak for Maria, but you and I just fell out of sync. The ground shifted beneath us and we've all adapted."</p><p>Nat's breathing was steady, she wasn't crying, but Maria wanted nothing more than to take this hurt away.</p><p>"Nat, you and I, we are like fire and ice. When it works it's hot as hell, but when we're off, we're off. More than anything you're my friend. Pepper and I are here because we care about you. It's okay to hurt. We've all been there. Feelings are a bitch."</p><p>Nat turned her head over her shoulder to make sure she looked her in the eye when she said, "Especially when you have shitty vodka."</p><p>"Okay, Romanoff, comments like that will get you kicked out of my bed."</p><p>"What are you going to do about it?"</p><p>Before Maria could make a snarky reply, Pepper started tickling Nat and Maria didn't miss her opportunity to join in. They tickled her until they were all laughing so hard they could barely breathe.</p><p>Pepper got up and headed toward her en-suite bathroom.</p><p>Nat called after her, "You're going to stay right? Please."</p><p>The vulnerability in her voice nearly broke Maria's heart. </p><p>"Of course, I'm just going to freshen up. But you can drool on Maria's pillow tonight."</p><p>"Hey, I resemble that remark."</p><p>"Yeah you do," Maria could help but add.</p><p>"Hey, no ganging up on me or I'll go back to my room."</p><p>Maria acquiesced, "Okay, okay, no team ups."</p><p>When Pepper returned, they managed to crawl under the covers and get comfortable. Nat sometimes kicked in her sleep, and Pepper occasionally snored. Maria was sure they had complaints about her as well. That night, it was all worth it. She hadn't slept that comfortable in a long time.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Art by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/DachOsmin/pseuds/Leonor">Leonor (DachOsmin)</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Natasha, thank god. Tony and I were running in the park, and then this guy in a cape showed up. And Bruce is back, you didn't tell me Bruce was back! I was talking to Tony and he was on that--that space ship? I don't know what it was but he's left Earth and we got disconnected. And I tried you and didn't get an answer, which I expected, really, I get it. But then I tried Maria and she didn't answer, and usually when the shit hits the fan, at least Maria answers and--"</p><p>"Pepper, stop. Listen to me. Breathe."</p><p>Pepper hated that Natasha was right. Hated that she was spiraling out of control, could feel the adrenaline still fizzing around her body even hours later.</p><p>She let air fill her lungs and waited for some semblance of calm to pass over her body. It didn't come.</p><p>"Natasha," Pepper's voice was desarate. She pulled her hair back and out of her face exerting what little control she felt she had left. "What the fuck is going on? Where are you?"</p><p>"I...I don't know. I'm in Wakanda. Pepper, it's...there were casualties."</p><p>"Tony? Did you see him? Did the ship take him there? He said...Oh god. He's dead isn't he? What about Maria? Is she there? I thought she was with Fury in Atlanta. Was she with you, I swear to god Natasha if you say you can't tell me. I can't take it. I need to know if they are alive." Pepper started to pace around her bedroom, heart pounding.</p><p>"I'm not sure."</p><p>"What do you mean you're not sure?!" The calmer Natasha was, the more hysterical Pepper felt herself becoming.</p><p>"Maria and Tony weren't here with us. If you say he took off on their ship, there is no telling where he is, if he even is… If Maria told you she was with Fury, then hopefully she'll check in with one of us soon."</p><p>"Natasha!"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Pepper. I just don't know. We lost half the team into thin air, just vanished into ash. I can't get a hold of Maria. Thanos is gone. I… We don't…"</p><p>A few silent tears slid down Pepper's face, rolling into her mouth; she tasted the salt on her tongue and tried to blink away the larger stream that was threatening to follow. She realized then that Natasha was numb, not calm and she felt all the light headed and nauseous at the realization Tony and Maria might be dead.</p><p>Collecting herself, Pepper asked, "What can I do?" </p><p>"Can you send a jet? Maybe Tony will show up here, I'm not sure. But we're all pretty wrecked. They're just gone, Pepper, everyone is just gone."</p><p>Even though Pepper knew Natasha didn't say it to hurt her, she couldn't help but feel wounded. She was still there, still fighting to find the people they loved. It was what she needed to get her mind back into head bitch in charge mode. She suddenly couldn't get to Wakanda faster.</p><p>"I'll be there as soon as I can."</p><p>"Thanks, Pepper." Pepper could tell Natasha was about to cry, and only because she had only ever cried in front of her once and Pepper would never forget how vulnerable she was, unable to exercise her greatest skill, emotions taking over control. </p><p>"Natasha, this isn't your fault."</p><p>"Just be safe okay," Natasha practically whispered it before the line went dead.</p><p>Pepper had escaped the milieu in the city when Tony disappeared and had been at The Avengers compound driving herself wild with worry ever since. She grabbed an overnight bag and started shoving things into it at random.</p><p>"F.R.I.D.A.Y. how long will it take my jet to get to Wakanda?"</p><p>"Fifteen hours and thirty seven minutes if you leave now."</p><p>"Alert the pilot we'll be leaving in twenty minutes and find the coordinates for Princess Shuri's Lab in Tony's files and send the flight plan as well."</p><p>"Right away, Miss Potts."</p><p>Pepper stopped frantically packing and slid down to the floor next to her bed. Her and Tony's bed. Worry threatened to overtake her, and she let a few more tears fall before wiping at her face. She knew she would have to be strong for Natasha, and she didn't want to spend the entire plane ride crying when she really didn't know anything definitive. Somehow Tony always managed to get himself out of tough situations, so she had to have faith he would again. <em>Just one more time</em> she sent a silent prayer out into the universe. She couldn't bring herself to think about Maria. As skilled an agent as she was, she wasn't enhanced, had no powers, no suit, and had been off with Fury doing god knows what. One thing at a time. </p><p>She needed to get to Wakanda.</p>
<hr/><p>After the snap, the world was at odds with itself, in some ways it seemed to be a top spinning out of control, and also at a complete stand still. Everyone was touched by Thanos' actions, some more dramatically than others. The collective trauma meter was off the charts. Cities were failing, some countries even. Nobody could have prepared for this level of catastrophe, not even after the battle of New York. </p><p>After Carol brought Tony back, everything changed for them, Pepper found out she was pregnant. And while under other circumstances they might have made a different decision, they deserved to be happy about something, and in that moment, they decided happiness would be finally settling down and having a child. Turns out, this wasn't a universally popular opinion, much to Pepper's hurt and dismay. She was once again trying to convince Natasha to move out of the compound and come further upstate with them. The cabin was nearly ready.</p><p>"Tony came back, Pepper. Maria didn't. Wanda didn't. Clint has disappeared on a rampage. Laura and the kids…"</p><p>"Natasha, you're my family too. And I thought I was yours."</p><p>"Pepper, you're pregnant. Have you thought about where I fit into that at all?"</p><p>Pepper looked down at her stomach, barely showing even though she was six months along. She'd had a rough first trimester, but her frame carried the baby well and she was optimistic about an easy delivery.</p><p>"Of course I have," Pepper stepped closer to Natasha but Natasha stepped back. It hurt as much as a slap to the face. Natasha had not been enthusiastic when Pepper broke the news, but that was around the time they discovered Clint had taken the scorched earth approach, and she figured--hoped really--that Natasha would come around. Would see that the time had come to take a break.</p><p>"I can't just hang around in the sticks and play house. Be "Auntie Nat" who lives in the guest room. Have you thought about how that would be for me? Just because Tony is willing to hang up his suits doesn't mean the world no longer needs The Avengers."</p><p>"As if I don't know that? Stark Industries has helped with readjustment efforts all over the world. But do you know what I've finally learned after trying to rebuild after the snap? It's not going to bring them back! I'm here, Natasha, standing in front of you, trying to move on."</p><p>"Priorities change, Pepper. That's fine. But you and Tony made this decision and I'm not going to pretend like things would be the same. I never asked for more from you, but I am unwilling to receive less."</p><p>"Natasha, I love you."</p><p>Natasha moved closer to her and she thought she'd won. The chaste kiss Natasha left on her cheek told her otherwise.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Pepper. I can't," Natasha turned to go, then added, "sometimes it's not enough, you know?"</p>
<hr/><p>Natasha had her feet up on the desk at The Avengers upstate compound because why the hell not? It was hers now and Fury's ghost could just deal with that. </p><p>"Hey Nat," Steve said quietly. Everything about Steve was quiet now. Nat had never seen someone take a loss like this. Granted none of them had taken a loss quite like this, a complete and total failure. But Steve had lost Peggy, and even that wasn't like this. He was a shell of himself.</p><p>She raised her head in his direction, eyes still on the monitor in front of her, fingers gliding over the keys. She was hacking into a private network of security cameras in South America, hoping to get eyes on Clint. She just had to--</p><p>"Got it!" Nat made eye contact with Steve and smiled. "Look what the cat dragged in."</p><p>Steve raised his chin toward the computer. "What's going on there? Barton?"</p><p>"Yeah, another tip. We'll see. At least I'm in now," Natasha grinned, proud of herself, "it's been a minute since I've had to hack anything."</p><p>"I seem to remember the last time you hacked something it got us blown up. Twice."</p><p>"Always so serious. What are you doing here?"</p><p>Steve perched on her desk. "I wanted to check on you. You've been running The Avengers for a while and I wanted to make sure this was still what you wanted. If you want to go out to the Cabin, I can hold down the fort for a little bit. Not full time, but if you need a break."</p><p>"What I want is to be on vacation somewhere: Costa Rica, the Indian Ocean, Morocco maybe."</p><p>"I'm serious, Nat."</p><p>"So am I. Are you getting enough sleep Steve? I know you're old as dirt, but you look tired."</p><p>Natasha opened her drawer and pulled out an open package of Oreo cookies, peeling back the plastic and offering one to him, "Cookie? The sugar might give you a boost."</p><p>Steve took two cookies and ate the first whole.</p><p>"You don't eat the frosting first?"</p><p>Steve looked at her, puzzled. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"Okay look, Maria showed me this. See, you gently--and I know that's hard for a guy with your strength--but gently twist the top and the bottom in opposite directions...and viola!"</p><p>Steve was a quick study and separated his second cookie easily. "Now what?"</p><p>Natasha licked the frosting side. "Now, you eat the frosting. Then the cookies."</p><p>Steve tried a lick then immediately smashed them back together. Natasha raised her eyebrow at him.</p><p>"It just tasted better together, okay? You know in my day--"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, I know you only had five things to choose from and everything costs ten cents."</p><p>"Told that one before, huh?"</p><p>"Once or twice." Natasha rolled her eyes.</p><p>Steve stood, having done his faux big brotherly duties of checking up on her, he could now go back to his support group or his community garden, or whatever. </p><p>"Are you sure you're okay, Nat? I'm here if you need to talk. I won't make you come to the group, I promise." </p><p>"This is my life now. Everyone I tried to love is dead or gone, and everyone still here fighting for me is what gets me out of bed--or sometimes this chair--in the morning. Talking about it doesn't change anything, but I appreciate your concern."</p><p>"You're doing great, Nat."</p><p>"I'm sure The Raccoon would be lost without me."</p><p>"You don't have to do that."</p><p>Nat stared at Steve. "Do what?"</p><p>"Deflect my compliment. I mean it. I'm glad it's you at the helm."</p><p>"Right," Natasha looked around the room, "not many other options off the bench though, huh? Steve, I appreciate your concern, but I'm good. Thanks for coming by."</p><p>Steve shrugged, "Okay, have it your way. I'll be by next week. You know how to reach me if you need to."</p><p>"Bye, Captain Rodgers." Natasha gave him an extra cute salute. They bickered like siblings and as much as she put on it annoyed her, she really did appreciate his concern.</p><p>Nat heard the door click closed and before she could settle back to focus on running facial recognition through her new network of cameras, the package of Oreo's grabbed her attention. She grabbed another out of the package and shoved it in her mouth whole. </p><p>Nah, Steve was wrong. </p><p>She carefully twisted the next one apart and burst into tears. She could almost hear Maria's laugh. She knew exactly how seductive Maria's tongue looked licking frosting off of an Oreo. She could almost remember how scared she felt those first few months working at S.H.I.E.L.D., waiting for them to change their mind or lock her up or worse. She was starting to shake, sobs coming so intensely now, lungs not getting enough air. It had been months since she'd last cried over Maria, and she thought she had been wrung out. </p><p>Something about how mystical it all was made it hard to grieve. Killed in the line of duty--she could accept that, but just disappeared by a giant purple jack hole with an agenda? No. It was too hard to accept. Thinking about Thanos quickly turned her tears to rage and she pushed away from the desk and headed toward the gun range. The cameras would have to wait.</p>
<hr/><p>Nat woke with a start to the sound of ringing. She had fallen asleep at her desk, again. She was trying to kick her brain into gear and figure out if it was someone on the team calling her or--nope that was her actual phone ringing.</p><p>"Go for Nat."</p><p>"It's Tony."</p><p>Nat blinked, trying to wake herself up. What time was it? She nudged her computer awake.</p><p>"It's 4AM, Tony, what do you want?"</p><p>"Good news, the Chickadee is here. We've named her Morgan. I haven't paid attention to many other babies in the past, but I think she's probably the cutest, I mean with me for her father, and Pep for her mom, no contest, right?"</p><p>"Congrats. I'm happy for you." Nat said the appropriate thing, the expected response, but she wasn't sure she meant it, and that was just another reminder of why she had to stay at the compound.</p><p>"So...I was thinking, you could hop in the Corvette, take a drive up and meet her. I'm sure Pepper would love to see you."</p><p>Nat sighed. "You didn't tell her you were calling, did you?"</p><p>"Busted."</p><p>Nat scrubbed at her face. She was not awake enough for this conversation.</p><p>"Look, Tony. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I just can't drop everything and come up there. People are relying on me, you know the ones, our old team. And I'm pretty sure Pepper doesn't want to see me or she would have reached out to me herself." </p><p>"You're probably right. Okay, I'm backing off. But, she's cute, Nat, I think you'd like her."</p><p>"I'm hanging up now. Goodbye, Tony."</p><p>Nat ended the call and tossed her cell phone on the desk. Nope. She wasn't going to do it. This is how it started, she would go to see the new baby, then get sucked right back into Pepper's orbit, but this time, there wasn't actually room for her. No. She was finally at a place in her life where she knew she needed more. Besides, she wasn't exactly a bucket of sunshine. They were no closer to finding Clint and she rarely went outside. Too depressing. Pepper would always be special to her, they had a good run. It was time to let her go.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was dark out and the bedroom windows were open. Pepper said the bird sounds were never the same after the snap, and now that all the critters were back, the sounds of nature helped her sleep. Maria didn't mind, it reminded her of all those nights she spent in the military forced to sleep in a tent.</p><p>Pepper was lying in bed next to Maria, book propped open against her bent legs, but she hadn't turned a page in what seemed like an hour. Maria was lost in her own thoughts so she wasn't actually sure how much time had passed. This had become their routine. Getting Morgan settled into bed, finishing whatever wine they had open, and then crawling into bed. It was hard not to think of it as Pepper and Tony's bed, despite Pepper having ordered a new mattress almost immediately. Maria wasn't sure why that had surprised her, Pepper's efficiency in all matters of her life had been--still was--one of the things Maria found incredibly sexy. </p><p>At first Maria had followed Pepper into bed because she could tell she was about to lose it. Pepper held herself together, always held herself together, but you can only shore the dam for so long before it breaks. Maria wasn't sure how she knew, Pepper hadn't been one to cry on her shoulder in the past, but she just sensed Pepper needed her. So without a conversation, she followed Pepper into her room, helped her into her pajamas and just held her. She spent at least a week with Pepper in her arms, just being there. Sometimes they talked, but mostly, they just shared the warmth of another person, holding space for each other. They were both raw, but neither seemed ready to talk about it, so Maria kept following Pepper to bed. The emotional intimacy came easily, the short hand they had built years before was still there, but they hadn't been physical. That intimacy seemed to be sitting just out of reach, neither ready to make the first move.</p><p>Maria still had so many questions about the last six years. Questions that didn't seem appropriate to ask just yet. The remaining Avengers--she didn't think she would never be used to that qualifier--had descended upon the cabin in the woods for Tony's funeral, but they all departed within a few days leaving Maria to ask herself why she stayed. </p><p>"What are you afraid of?" Pepper asked, breaking her train of thought.</p><p>Pepper closed her book and set it on the nightstand. Maria looked at her but didn't answer for a long time. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"I know it's been a while for us--if we're honest, probably longer for me than you--but I know you, Maria. You only close in on yourself when you are afraid and you don't have some physical battle to go put your game face on for."</p><p>"Look, you know my life, I was practically married to S.H.I.E.L.D. and always The Avengers. I never thought about having kids, not really. Even though Nat couldn't and we talked about it sometimes, I just never thought I would be a mom. But now I'm back, and I'm here with you, and there is Morgan, and she is a cute kid; you and Tony really did it right. I'm just... I'm just afraid I don't fit here. I don't think either of us want to ring a bell we can unring."</p><p>"You wrangled the Avengers for years, and they are basically children. In fact, Morgan is probably better behaved than any of them. Well, I guess one of Tony's parting gifts was teaching her to say 'shit', if it wasn't so adorable I might even be mad," Pepper said, pulling Maria close. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me tonight, what I'm trying to say is that I see you."</p><p>Maria allowed Pepper to settle into the crook of her arm. They hadn't cuddled like this since she'd been back. This was more than just comfort, it was that old spark of attraction bubbling up. Pepper traced her nipple through her shirt which just made it harder to say what she needed to say. She captured Pepper's hand in her own.</p><p>"First, let me say, you are very distracting. I want you, I do. I just need more time."</p><p>Pepper squeezed her hand, signaling to her that she should continue.</p><p>"I know I've been in shock, avoiding my own shit by being here for you." Pepper opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. "It's finally hitting me that Nat isn't coming back, ever. It was easy for me to compartmentalize, focus on you and Morgan. Focus on being alive, on all I missed. But, the rest of it, I'm no good at it."</p><p>Maria felt dampness on her shirt and realized tears were streaming down Pepper's face.</p><p>"Oh, Pepper, I wasn't trying to upset you." Maria stroked Pepper's hair, letting the tears spread onto her t-shirt.</p><p>"We were fighting. And now she's gone, and I won't ever get to make it up to her. And Tony's gone. It's too much."</p><p>"I'm here, I'm right here." Maria rubbed small strokes down Pepper's back.</p><p>"This was supposed to be about you, and I've made it about me. I'm sorry, Maria."</p><p>"It helps me to talk about it. What do you mean you were fighting. What about?"</p><p>"After the Thanos, everything was a mess. I was pregnant. Tony was...broken--blamed himself for losing Peter, for Thanos. We mourned everyone, especially you." Pepper tilted her head up to give Maria a chaste kiss. Maria stayed quiet, hoping Pepper would continue, and she did. "Natasha wanted to stay in New York at the compound, needed to. Especially after she realized what Clint was up to. </p><p>"What was Barton up to?"</p><p>"The short of it is he went on a murder spree, criminals mostly, but it was pure vengence after his family was snapped."</p><p>"Wow, okay. I can imagine Nat didn't take that very well."</p><p>"No, she didn't. But everyone was suffering. Half the world was gone. But I was suffering. I needed her, and she chose The Avengers. I shouldn't have been surprised. I had Tony to deal with, and he was a lot. We just needed to move forward. She never wanted to be a part of Tony and my relationship, you know how it was. So it didn't really make sense to change that. And then there was Morgan. After I got pregnant, we moved out here. That really brought Tony around, a project. Something to get his hands on. Someone to prepare for. But Natasha didn't want anything to do with this place. She wasn't willing to hang up her suit."</p><p>"I can see that. I got the sense she was trying to pay off a debt she didn't owe. But nobody could convince her it had been paid off five times over."</p><p>"It just hurt, you know? Objectively I understood where she was coming from, but living it, it was so painful. I don't know when I let her in so deeply, I don't think I ever acknowledged <em>how much</em> she meant to me until she was already gone. God, Maria, this is terrible--I'm terrible. Are you sure you want to hear this?"</p><p>She kissed Pepper's forehead, still stroking her hair. "I need to know. Please."</p><p>"Well, instead of fighting for her, I just tried to let her go. She had made her choice, and I had Tony and Morgan to focus on. Maybe a year ago, she showed up here, out of the blue. Her and Steve and another friend, someone I didn't know..."</p><p>Pepper was full on crying now, chest heaving sobs.</p><p>"Pepper, what happened?"</p><p>"They came for Tony. He told them he wasn't interested in their theory, wasn't interested in losing what he had here with us, even though that meant not trying to get back people they'd lost."</p><p>"And Nat?"</p><p>Pepper took a shaky breath, "We didn't even talk. She didn't come in--they didn't stay long--and I didn't go out to see her. I was being stubborn. And stupid. Why did I always make her apologize?!" Pepper was gripping the sheets hard enough to turn her knuckles white. Her eyes were unfocused and her breathing more erratic.</p><p>"Here, sit up, have a sip of water."</p><p>Maria lifted her own glass from her nightstand and waited for Pepper to take a few sips. She rubbed her back gently and handed her a kleenex. She was going to need a fresh shirt if this kept up.</p><p>"Saying this all to you, it's awful. I did. I always made her come to me, and what kind of person does that? Maria, I'm such a mess. I wouldn't be offended if you decided you didn't want to stick around after hearing all that." Maria looked at Pepper unconvinced she was somehow a horrible person. "Okay, I would be crushed if you left, you know that."</p><p>"Nat liked the chase. She always did. I'm sure she had her own reasons for not coming in. For not clearing the air. We humans have a bad habit of taking things for granted. For thinking we'll have more time to fix it or make amends."</p><p>When she didn't say anything, Maria squeezed Pepper's arm.</p><p>"You weren't here after the snap. Nobody who survived took it for granted. I think a lot of people felt like they were living on borrowed time. Now I'll never get the chance to tell her what an idiot I was—to make it right."</p><p>"I think she knew how much you cared for her. At least when I was around, she did. What you had, Pepper, was unique. It didn't fit nicely into a box. You both eschewed conventional  relationship norms, and it worked. I mean you drug me along for the ride, and look at us now."</p><p>Pepper cracked a smile at that.</p><p>Maria kissed Pepper on the temple, stroked her hair. Pepper's hair smelled like lilac and lemongrass and Maria wondered--not for the first time--how she managed to attract such a unique person into her orbit.</p>
<hr/><p>It had been a month or maybe more since Tony's funeral, Maria had lost track. Morgan was watching cartoons on the TV and Pepper's legs were draped over her lap. Pepper had been engrossed in a book since last night, and Maria was content to just run her hands over her legs and watch whatever show Morgan had put on.</p><p>Pepper put her hand over Maria's, stilling her ministrations.</p><p>"I'm going to say something, but I don't want you to take offense, okay?" Pepper looked at her expectantly.</p><p>"Okay." Maria was unsure what she was getting into.</p><p>"Don't you have to be somewhere? Put the world back together? Isn't Fury wondering where you are?"</p><p>Maria laughed. It was unbelievable that this hadn't come up before. They were both still grieving in their own ways and time both felt like it had stopped and like it was sliding through her fingers like grains of sand.</p><p>"I know this is going to sound...like a stretch."</p><p>Pepper raised her eyebrows at her.</p><p>"Okay, I know you've seen some shit, but what if I told you two aliens were, as we speak, impersonating Fury and I, and nearly nobody could tell that they are not actually us."</p><p>"You're serious?" Pepper didn't look surprised, but Maria wasn't sure how to interpret her expression.</p><p>"I am."</p><p>"Doesn't that <em>bother</em> you? Someone out there pretending to be you?"</p><p>"I think you're more uncomfortable about it than I am. I get that, I do. That was kind of my initial reaction. But, I've met Soren and Talos, and I just needed a minute to process this all. Being dead--gone for six years. Nat, Tony, everything. Fury said it was the only way. He's apparently known them for decades, so if he trusts them, I do too. And Carol owed him a favor."</p><p>"Huh. Well how do I know that you're the real Maria Hill and not an alien impersonator?"</p><p>Maria pulled Pepper's hand into her lap, stroking her thumb along the outside of her wrist. Pepper still wore her wedding ring, but Maria wanted it that way. In some ways, well really only with regards to her and Pepper, it was a lot easier for her without Tony in the picture, but in many ways he would never really be out of the picture. Maria accepted that.</p><p>She looked Pepper in the eye. "Skrulls, they are the ones that can impersonate any living thing, they can match your appearance and voice identically, but they don't know your history. Soren won't have my memories." Maria squeezed Pepper's hand. "Remember that time I came to your office wearing nothing but a trench coat?"</p><p>Pepper looked over at Morgan, engrossed in her cartoons. When she met Maria's gaze again, the look in her eye told her she remembered.</p><p>"Why, Miss Hill, I certainly do."</p><p>"Well, Soren would never know that."</p><p>"So what, am I just supposed to say 'trench coat' to ensure it's you?"</p><p>"Well, maybe you say trench coat and I tell you what color underwear you were wearing: lilac, lace edged if memory serves."</p><p>Pepper blushed. Maria cast one last glance toward Morgan before crawling into Pepper's lap to kiss her. Lips soft and sticky with freshly coated gloss. Maria cupped Pepper's face, thumb cradling her cheek. She could feel Pepper's hands snaking around her back, pulling her closer. Maria let her tongue explore the warmth of Pepper's mouth, their coffee breath mingling together, their breasts pressed against each other.</p><p>"Mommy, this one is over!"</p><p>They broke apart unwillingly. Maria chuckled. She wasn't totally sure she was ready to jump into a family, but she wasn't ready to leave Pepper either. There was definitely still something between them, and she wanted to stick around and find out what it could become.</p><p>Pepper looked at Maria, they couldn't help but mirror each other's grin. </p><p>"You know what Morgan, I think we should turn the TV off and go take a walk. I think we could all use some fresh air."</p><p>"Your mom is right, it's getting warm in here and getting down by the lake sounds great."</p><p>Maria stood up and offered Pepper her hand. The feel of Pepper's fingers slotting in between her own made her heart skip. Maria was convinced this was where she was supposed to be.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mommy, why are you sad?"</p><p>Pepper, Maria, and Morgan were walking hand in hand around the lake. The bench Pepper and Maria designed and commissioned in Natasha's memory had been installed earlier in the week on the other side of the lake. They were finally able to celebrate her in their own way. They exchanged looks over Morgan's head. Pepper nodded and Maria took the queue. Their short hand when Morgan was underfoot was nearly impeccable now.</p><p>"Morgan, I think we are both sad today."</p><p>Morgan looked up at Maria, accepting her statement, but still needing answers, "But why?"</p><p>"Do you remember last month, when we made cheeseburgers and celebrated your dad?"</p><p>"Yeah, cheeseburgers are the best! I miss him even when we don't have cheeseburgers."</p><p>Maria squeezed Morgan's hand. "I know sweetie, that's normal. Around the same time your dad died saving the world, your Mommy and I, we also lost someone we cared about a lot. Her name was Nat."</p><p>Pepper chimed in, "Well that's her nickname, you know, like we call you Morgatron? Her full name is Natasha."</p><p>"I've never met her, so how could she be special? Was she disappeared like you, Maria?"</p><p>Maria knew that would hurt Pepper so she jumped in.</p><p>"Honey, sometimes adults don't get to see their friends as much as they want to. They have their own lives and their own families to take care of. I'm sure you and Nat would have become fast friends. She's great at hide and seek."</p><p>Pepper looked over at Maria and mouthed 'Thank you'.</p><p>"Is that why we don't see Uncle Happy very much anymore?" Morgan pulled on her mom's hand.</p><p>Pepper patted Morgan's head before rejoining their hands. "That's right, Morgan. You know, Uncle Happy knew Natasha too. In fact, the first time we all met, she and Happy had a play fight and Natasha wrestled him to the ground before he could say cheeseburger."</p><p>"No. Really?" Maria couldn't imagine Happy getting into it with Nat.</p><p>"Oh, yeah. She showed up from legal when Tony and Happy were boxing."</p><p>"Natalie?"</p><p>"Indeed."</p><p>"Maria," Morgan looked up at her with the biggest brown eyes she'd ever seen, "who's Natalie?"</p><p>Maria let out a breath. Kids, you couldn't get anything by them.</p><p>"Well, Nat liked to play pretend, you know how we do, you get to be whoever you want. Sometimes she wanted to be Natalie." Maria looked at Pepper and shrugged. She was still not 100% comfortable being a parental figure to Morgan, but she was trying.</p><p>"Mommy look, a lizard!" Morgan took off toward a large rock where a lizard was sunning itself and pulled them along with her.</p><p>When they made it to the bench, they couldn't help but stand and stare. It was breathtaking. They had chosen a deep mahogany colored wood, to remind them of Nat's hair and her fiery personality. Before either of them could get too sentimental, Morgan had climbed up on the bench and was dancing around arms raised overhead like she was doing a victory dance. Having conquered the figurative mountain, she jumped off and quickly found a stick to play with.</p><p>"She certainly is Tony's kid, isn't she?" It had taken months, but Maria was glad she could mention Tony without it bringing Pepper to tears. They were all learning how to cope with their new normal, and some days were better than others. Despite the circumstances, they were both in a relatively good mood. Nat would have wanted it that way.</p><p>"She really is. But, her curiosity gives us time for this…" Pepper pulled Maria into an embrace and then a slow, passionate kiss. When they separated they moved to the bench and looked out at the lake. It really was perfect.</p><p>Pepper gently elbowed her. "I can't believe you knew about Natalie!"</p><p>Maria looked at her sheepishly. "Natalie was my idea. It was one of Nat's first solo missions." Maria was quick to add, "But hey, I had no idea about the rest of it. Actually if I had known about it, I might not have thought that mission was such a success for as long as I did."</p><p>"Oh, Natasha. You really did always do things your own way."</p><p>Pepper rested her head on Maria's shoulder. Morgan was happily building what looked to be a rock tower. Their silence was comfortable, and Maria could have stayed there for hours enjoying the feel of Pepper's body pressed into hers. The ache of those they'd lost becoming duller day by day. She knew Nat would always be a part of their story. Tony too. But at least they could breathe a little bit now without the sharp pain of the loss poking them every other breath.</p><p>Maria chuckled, "Did I ever tell you about the marksmanship competition Nat and I got into at S.H.I.E.L.D.?"</p><p>"No, I don't think I've heard this one before. Tell me." Pepper squeezed her thigh in encouragement.</p><p>"Well you know Nat, she excels at everything. I think when she arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D. she was already a better hand to hand fighter than me. Her scores were off the chart on nearly every test we gave her."</p><p>"That sounds like Natasha."</p><p>"Right, well, I was used to being the lady at the top, so I might have taken it upon myself to figure out one thing I could beat her at. Remind her who was in charge."</p><p>"I don't know what it is with you Avengers, such fragile egos."</p><p>"Okay, I'm not saying it was my proudest moment. But, we did have a S.H.I.E.L.D. wide marksman competition, we made a big bracket like in sports. I purposefully put us on opposite sides of the bracket and it was no surprise we ended up heads up at the end. S.H.I.E.L.D. had some great shooters, but most of them were too cocky to really be able to hold it together for that many rounds."</p><p>Maria looked at Pepper. "I can stop if this is boring you."</p><p>"No, come on, I love shop talk. I rarely got to be in the thick of it, it's nice to hear some of this stuff. Natasha and I rarely talked about work. It was just easier that way, for both of us."</p><p>"Okay, well it was heads up and we must have gone 10 rounds head to head and we were dead even. Well, I suggested we switch to the 1911s, I knew Nat would have had less experience with them, but I also knew she wouldn't back down from a challenge."</p><p>"Maria Hill, you play dirty."</p><p>"Sometimes. Yeah. Well, to my surprise and horror, we went another 10 rounds and were still tied. It took me 5 more rounds at 150 yards to edge her out. I don't know about her, but it was a definite turn on, seeing her so calm and so skilled. I don't think she ever let that grudge go either."</p><p>Pepper grabbed her hand and gently rubbed small strokes over her skin with her thumb. </p><p>"We weren't perfect, but I'm glad we got to know her. I think she let us in more than anyone else. And, I have to cherish that. The times we did share are some of the best memories I have."</p><p>Maria nodded her agreement. </p><p>"She always found the best restaurants."</p><p>"I know! What a hidden talent. Where did she find the time?"</p><p>"I wish I knew. I certainly didn't find much time to go adventuring... Pepper?"</p><p>They shifted inward to face one another.</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"Thanks for letting me in, for letting me be here, a part of your family."</p><p>Pepper pulled her into a hug and whispered into her ear, "I should be thanking you. I couldn't have survived this without you."</p><p>"Mommy, can we go back now? I'm hungry."</p><p>Pepper and Maria both turned toward Morgan and couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of her. She was covered in mud and what looked like moss or algae from the lake.</p><p>"Sure honey, let's go home and I'll make us all BLT's for lunch."</p><p>"Only if you use the real bacon, Mommy." Before either of them could reply, she was already running back up the trail in the direction of their cabin.</p><p>They took one more look at the bench, both silently remembering all that Natasha meant to them, and holding space for her to continue to impact their lives.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A gigantic thank you to my alpha reader miri_cleo, and my beta readers LusciousLadyLuck and AudreyV. I would never have gotten this posted without all of your encouragements. Big thanks to everyone who told me I could do this along the way.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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